


Jaime versus The Real World

by Julieoftarth (Wherethereissmoak)



Series: Jaime Versus Everything [1]
Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, F/M, disowned jaime
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-03-06 22:42:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 28,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13421151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wherethereissmoak/pseuds/Julieoftarth
Summary: Jaime moved in with Brienne after being disowned by his father, but his transition from rich boy to average person is a tough one. Hopefully Brienne can survive without too many headaches.





	1. Jaime vs. Sam's Club

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks DanyelN for the prompt!

“Tell me again why I have to sign up for a membership to this place when we can go to the regular store just down the road without this fancy card?”

Jaime waved his brand-new Sam’s Club card in the air.

“Because until you learn the art of using things sparingly, it is more cost effective to buy in bulk.” Brienne pulled their grocery list out of her bag.

“I use things sparingly!”

“Jaime, you used an entire roll of paper towels to clean up one spill! And you ate all of our granola bars in one sitting!”

Jaime scowled at her. “Okay, A- those granola bars were delicious, and I shouldn’t be expected to show restraint. B-At least I cleaned up my mess. Weren’t you just complaining about the fact that I didn’t do that last week? Honestly wench, you are sending mixed messages.”

Brienne shook her head at him in frustration. Ever since Jaime’s father had disowned him a few weeks ago and she had offered him her guest room, she felt somewhat like a preschool teacher. Jaime knew nothing about living in the real world, having grown up in the Lannister’s wealthy lifestyle. Budgeting, housecleaning, and sometimes basic common courtesy were lost on him.

And he was not great at conserving their meager supplies, which is why they were buying in bulk until he got a better hang of things.

“I have our list here of all the things we need.” Brienne laughed when she turned to see Jaime gawking at the vastness of the warehouse store.

“This place is kind of cool. Ooooooh snacks!”

“Jaime, snacks are not on our list!”

“We have to eat, wench. Can you push the cart? I only have one hand and I need it for grabbing stuff off the shelf.”

Brienne grudgingly grabbed the grocery cart and followed him. “You won’t be grabbing too much stuff off the shelf! We’re on a budget!”

She knew they were in trouble when Jaime grabbed a 2 gallon can of nacho cheese, his face lit up with excitement.

“No, we are not getting that.”

“But Brienne, you know how much I love nachos. Perfect meal for a one-handed man,” he said with a pout, trying to play up his disability to win her over.

Brienne wasn’t buying it. “Remember that talk we had about needs versus wants? Nacho cheese is a want, not a need.”

Jaime wasn’t listening to her, throwing the can in the cart along with several bags of chips.

“Oh, is there a freezer section? Maybe they have a GIANT thing of ice cream!”

Brienne was starting to think that bringing Jaime here wasn’t a good idea after all.


	2. Jaime vs. the laundry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laundry seems like an easy enough task, Jaime thinks. Won't his best friend be so happy he's helping out around the apartment?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the lovely prompts everyone! I think I got almost 30, you lovely people. I will try to get to most of them, but still try to weave some relationship building tidbits here and there to move the story forward. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this one!

“Jaime, have you seen my grey sweatshirt? If we’re going on a run, I need it. It’s a bit chilly out,” Brienne called from the living room.

Jaime hastily continued his chore – folding laundry with one hand was difficult, but doable as he discovered. His best friend was going to be so happy with him for doing the laundry. Since Brienne let him move in a month ago, she was constantly reminding him to clean up after himself and chip in on the chores. He wanted to do the honorable thing, but was a little lost when it came to doing this type of stuff.

But laundry seemed easy enough. Put clothes in washer with soap. Put clothes in dryer with softener. Fold clothes. Even a fish out of water like himself could figure it out. He hoped he could start doing his part in repaying her for taking him in when he needed someone the most. Better than he could say about anyone in his own family.

“I have your sweatshirt in here, Wench!”

He braced himself for her excitement over his task. Jaime picked up his favorite white T-shirt and frowned. It was now pink. How had that happened?

“Why do you have my sweatshirt?” Brienne asked from next to him. Her gaze took in the folded pile, the unfolded mess on the bed and the pink shirt in his hands. “Jaime…did you try to do laundry?”

“Not try…did. I did the laundry, wench,” Jaime said with a grin.

“Did you bother to sort it before you put it in?”

“Sort it?”

“You have to separate all the dirty clothes into groups by colors and wash them differently. Each type of fabric or color has its own temperature setting,” Brienne explained.

Jaime scowled. “Well why don’t they put that on the machine?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s on the inside of the washing machine lid, Jaime,” Brienne laughed. “It doesn’t look like too much damage was done.”

“So what could happen?”

Brienne grabbed a pair of her running shorts off the bed. “Well for starters, these were much longer when I wore them yesterday.”

Jaime closed his eyes and tried not to think of his best friend’s legs in those very short shorts. Her long beautiful legs. Legs that he wanted to…no, he could not think about her like that. Brienne had not given any indication that she felt anything other than friendship with him, and no matter how much more he felt he was not exactly in a position to offer much anyway.

“I’m sorry I shrunk your shorts, Wench, I was just trying to help,” he said sadly.

Brienne just laughed again. “It’s okay Jaime, we’ve all been through it during our first battle with the laundry. I’ll just throw these shorts away and get some new ones.”

Jaime reached out and grabbed them and put them back in the pile. “Maybe you should hold on to them, you know, in case you may need them.”

“I’m not going to need shorts that almost show off my underwear, you idiot,” Brienne said.

“You never know.” Jaime used his smirk to cover up the lustful thoughts he could not push from his brain. Eager to change the subject, he held up his pink shirt.

“So, what do you think happened here?”

“You must have washed it with something red and the colors ran,” Brienne said. The two of them surveyed the laundry pile, but nothing red was in sight.

Suddenly, Brienne’s eyes got wide and she started digging frantically through the pile.

“Wench, what is it?”

“Oh nothing, just checking for red?”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “It sure looks like you are looking for something specific that’s red. Care to share?”

“No.”

“Oh, now I have to know.”

Brienne ignored him and kept searching. Out of the corner of his eye, Jaime saw a spot of red peeking out between two pieces of clothes. He reached for it and pulled out a pair of sexy silk panties that he NEVER imagined Brienne would wear.

Between this and the short shorts, he was going to have to take a very long and very cold shower tonight.

“Is this what you’re looking for?” Jaime asked teasingly, and he was rewarded when Brienne blushed from head to toe.

“Give those back!”

“Really, Brienne, these are not the type of underwear I would think about you wearing,” Jaime said.

Brienne grabbed them from his hands and glared at him. “You’ve thought about me in my underwear?”

“I uh…no…I mean…er no.”

“You don’t know everything about me, Jaime,” Brienne said softly as she tucked the undies into her pocket.

“I don’t know much about anything apparently,” Jaime muttered, gesturing to the laundry.

Brienne rolled her eyes at him, and grabbed his arm. “Come on, I will show you the finer workings of the machine, so you will know for next time. And please ask before you throw any of mine, so I can at least pull out my…underwear.”

“Too late, I’ve already seen it, the damage is done,” Jaime said.

“Damage?”

“Well now I know that under all those frumpy clothes you wear, there is something sweet and delicate.”

“I do not wear frumpy clothes, and can you please stop talking about my underwear?”

Jaime grinned.

“Are you ready for our run?”

Brienne threw on her sweatshirt, still scowling at him. “Yes, let’s go.”

“Perfect, and while we run, you can tell me all the colors you have this style of underwear in. Oh, and are there matching bras too?”

“Shut up, Jaime.”

 

 


	3. Jaime vs. Couponing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime gets a little excited cutting coupons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! I hope you like it. I have no beta so ignore any typos.

Brienne walked through the door after a long day of work – her arms full of bags. “A little help here, Jaime!”

He came out of nowhere and grabbed one of the bags from her. “What’s all this, wench?”

“Oh just a few things we were out of to tide us over until the next grocery day,” Brienne said as she started putting the items away.

He pulled out a box of tampons from the box. “No, I mean, what is this?”

Brienne could feel her face turning red. “Um, surely you know what those are, Jaime. You have a sister, by the gods.”

She grabbed the box out of his hands and hurried to throw them in the bathroom.

“Of course, I know what they are, but I already bought you five boxes.”

Brienne could do nothing but stare at him for that statement. What to address first?

“Why. Did. You. Buy. Me. Tampons?”

Jaime took a step back, probably guessing that she was not pleased with his purchasing decision.

“You put me in charge of budgeting the groceries, and you buy those every month. So, I took care of it.”

Brienne sighed. She knew he was being helpful, but this might be going too far. “I really don’t need you to do that, Jaime.”

He grinned at her. “No need to be embarrassed, Brienne. There are no secrets between us.”

“Sometimes I wish there were,” Brienne murmured under her breath. “Okay, so why did you buy me five boxes?”

“Because I had a coupon!” Jaime grabbed a binder from the table and proudly held it up. “See, I’ve collected hundreds of these things. We’re going to save so much money!”

Brienne couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm. She handed him today’s paper, and he eagerly went for the inserts while she put the rest of the groceries away.

She took a moment to study him while he cut and organized his coupon finds. His hair had grown longer over the past few months, and there was a healthy salt-and-pepper beard on his face. Brienne didn’t want to think about how handsome it made him look. Or how nice he looked in a T-shirt and jeans as opposed to the suits he used to wear all the time. Not that the suits weren’t nice. Ugh. She really needed to stop this train of thought about her best friend.

Brienne forced herself to turn away and open the cupboard above the stove to put away something. And then she was promptly hit on the head by a can. She looked up to see the entire cupboard was full of canned cat food.

She rubbed her head and held the can up.

“Jaime, what is this?”

He saw what she was holding and grinned. “Cat food! With a coupon I got it for 20 cents a can! Naturally, I bought us 50 cans.”

“We don’t have a cat!”

“Wench, you don’t get this extreme couponing thing. You buy supplies in bulk that you may someday need. You never know when we are going to get a cat.”

Brienne sighed. “Jaime, this apartment doesn’t allow pets.”

“Well, we may move someday.”

Brienne didn’t allow her thoughts to wander down the path of what he might mean when he said “we” in his suggestion that they would move. Somewhere along the way this temporary situation of them living together had settled into something more permanent, but neither of them brought it up.

“We can’t keep these here, we need to use these cupboards for people food.”

Jaime stood up and scowled at her. “Well, you’re getting rid of the cat food over my dead body, wench. I spent hours in the checkout lane getting those and all your tampons.”

“Ugh, can you stop bringing up my tampons? This is worse than when you wouldn’t stop talking about my underwear!”

Jaime grinned. “We can switch back to that subject if you want?”

“Shut up, idiot. I’m going to put these in your room while you start making dinner.”

“Fear not wench, I bought 20 frozen pizzas with a coupon too.”

“Gods…”

Brienne gathered the cans, but at the last minute she took them to her room instead. She had an idea of what she might be able to do with them.

***

The next day, Brienne found Jaime pouring over the classified ads, still looking for a job. She sat down next to him and passed him a note.

“What’s this?”

“Just read it,” Brienne said, shifting nervously in her seat. She didn’t know how he would react to what she had done.

He opened the note and read it out loud.

“Dear Uncle Jaime, I was so happy when Brienne brought the cat food over and said that you were missing me and the cats. We miss you too so much. I was so sad when grandpa sent you away after your fight with him and mom. Maybe we could hang out sometime? I know Myrcella and Uncle Tyrion miss you a lot too. Love, Tommen.”

Jaime’s voice broke as he read the note, and Brienne reached out and placed her hand on his arm.

“I’m sorry if I overstepped a best friend boundary, but I thought Tommen could put better use to that cat food and I also wanted you to know there was still part of your family that loves you.”

Jaime looked at her with tears in his eyes. “Brienne?”

She held her breath, he seldom called her anything but “wench.”

He placed his hand over the one she had on arm. “Thank you.”

Brienne let out the breath she had been holding and smiled at him. Jaime squeezed her hand, then reached across the table to grab his coupon notebook.

“Now, can we head back to the store? Because I think I have a coupon for Tyrion’s favorite wine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


	4. Jaime vs. Chicken Suit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime's temp job involves a costume, and lots of feathers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for all the love on these chapters! 
> 
> I've lost track of who gave me what prompt for this one - but thanks to whoever it was. This one was funny. 
> 
> No beta, so you can mock all my typos with glee! :)

Jaime glanced at the clock on the bank’s sign across the street. Only 15 minutes of this torture left. He wanted to bring in money to help Brienne pay the bills, but this was the last thing he had in mind.

Jaded by corporate life, Jaime had decided to take a break from it by signing up to do odd jobs through a temp agency until he was ready to put on a suit again. Well, technically what he was wearing was a suit, just not the business kind. Thank gods no one could recognize him.

Jaime was working for the day as a chicken, dressed in a bird suit to get customers to try the newest recipe at Clegane’s Fried Chicken.

“Squawk, squawk, squawk, buy our chicken!” Jaime said, flapping his arms.

It was humiliating, and hot as hell inside the suite, but at least he could contribute to their finances. His best friend already did way too much for him.

“And she can never know about this,” Jaime murmured under his breath.

Relieved when he checked the time again and saw it was time to start making his way inside, Jaime turned but froze in the parking lot. Entering the restaurant was one of his close friends and former bodyguards, Bronn. Of course he was visiting this establishment – he always talked about how much he loved fried chicken. What was Jaime going to do? He couldn’t let himself be seen like this!

He decided to leave his costume on until he could get to the employee break room to change. He almost made it until his “supervisor” (really, a young man barely old enough to drive) called out his name and asked him to remove his chicken head so they could discuss his performance. Jaime agreed that he would not be returning for any future days as a chicken.

Jaime turned to go change when he heard “Jaime Fookin Lannister.” And the snap of a camera phone when he turned.

“Hi Bronn – any chance I can get you to delete that photo?”

“Absolutely not, I’m going to cherish this for years to come. What the bloody hell are you doing in that chicken suit?”

Jaime sighed. “Earning some wages. Gotta eat somehow, now that I’m not working in the lofty Lannister tower.”

Bronn whistled. “Didn’t think you’d be stooping so low, man.”

“Not a lot of work out there for a one-handed man who has been black balled by one of the most influential families in the city,” Jaime explained.

“You could always move, but I shouldn’t bother telling you that because you would never be far away from a certain tall blonde lady, now would you?”

Jaime frowned. “This is my home, and Brienne is just my best friend.” He hoped his face looked convincing. 

Bronn smirked. “Sure, just friends. You two will be fooking by the end of the year. Well, maybe not after I send her this picture.”

Jaime narrowed his eyes. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh I would absolutely dare, but I’m willing to not do so in exchange for a favor.” Bronn waved his phone in front of Jaime, with the offending picture right in his face.

“Fine, what do you want?”

“As you know, I’ve started my own gym with self defense classes. Might be good for business to have a Lannister attend some of my classes.”

Jaime held up his arm with the missing hand. “I’m not exactly the self-defense class type these days.”

Bronn nodded. “Might be good for you too. You did well with all the moves I taught you in the past, and now you can learn to modify them with your disability. Got to learn to look after yourself without an amazing bodyguard like me following your ass around anymore.”

Jaime thought it over. “Fine, I will be there next week, depending on my temp job schedule.”

“Try to avoid chicken gigs again,” Bronn laughed.

“Believe me, I will.”

Jaime walked the short distance home and proudly handed Brienne $50 to add to the grocery fund.

“Why are there yellow feathers with it?” she asked.

“Oh, how strange,” he evaded, plucking the feathers off the table.

“You’re never going to believe what happened to me today – I just had to call the fried chicken place because their mascot catcalled me and said I had a nice ass. He scurried away before I could confront him,” Brienne said, her eyes narrowed at him.

“Wow, he’s lucky to have survived.” Jaime hurried to his room before she could question him further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you have a good day!


	5. Jaime vs. The Cable Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime waits an eternity for the cable repairman, so he pesters his favorite wench all day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to whoever for the prompt! These are really fun to write! Although every chapter will pale in comparison to the chicken suit to me now LOL
> 
> Again, go ahead and laugh at any typos. :) I'm sick so there are probably extra ones in there.

Brienne was scarfing down her lunch on her short break when her phone rang. She smiled when she saw that it was Jaime.

“Are you on your way to your temp job for the day?” she asked.

“No, I had to call in and cancel.”

“Why?”

“The cable guy hasn’t come yet. They said they would come between 8 in the morning and noon. It’s 11:55, wench, and they haven’t come yet. Why don’t they keep their word? Is this a common thing that happens?”

Brienne laughed. “Unfortunately, yes. Why didn’t you just cancel them and schedule for a different day if you had to get to work?”

“It’ the principle of the matter. They said they would be here and they aren’t. I can’t believe we are paying these people.”

“We’re paying them?”

“I help.”

Brienne sighed. “Yes, you do, and you are much worthier than the jobs you’ve been working.”

Jaime was silent on the other end of the phone, and she hoped she hadn’t embarrassed him. “Thank you, but I’m looking for something better and happy where I am right now.”

“I didn’t insult you, did I? I just think you could do better.”

Jaime laughed into the phone, and Brienne tried to ignore the butterflies that danced in her stomach at the sound. That seemed to be happening more and more lately.

“No, you didn’t insult me, Brienne. On the contrary, it’s nice to have someone believe in me.”

They sat silently on the phone for a moment until Jaime exclaimed. “Dammit, it’s after 12 now, they are officially late!”

“I’m sorry, Jaime, just call them and see where they are. I have to get back to work.” He huffed angrily before finally letting her get off the phone. She was almost back to her desk when her phone rang again. She knew who it was before she even had to look.

“Seriously, Jaime, I have to work.”

“Wench, they gave me another time frame. Now they are going to be here between 1 and 6. This is madness. I’m being held hostage.”

Brienne laughed. “Just reschedule it Jaime, if it’s that upsetting.”

“It’s the principle of the matter. They said they would be here today and I will wait for them until my bones rot.”

“Well let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

“Are you mocking me? This is serious! How are we going to hate-watch annoying couples wish for extravagant homes on small budgets on Home and Hearth TV? How will we make fun of the Real Housewives of Westeros? This television must be fixed, and quickly.”

“Jaime, I’m really very busy today.”

“Brienne, I’m bored.”

“I’m sorry, but there’s really nothing I can do about that right now.”

“Play hooky, come home and hang out with me. I will let you win at a board game.”

“You know I would never want you to let me win,” Brienne growled. She always wanted to win fair and square so she could lord it over him.

“So does that mean you’ll come home to trounce me?”

“Jaime, I’m sorry, I really can’t.”

“You know, if it weren’t for the free food and shelter you are giving me, and all the fun I have making you blush, you would be a terrible best friend.”

“I’m sure, Jaime. I have to go.”

“Fine. Bye wench.”

Jaime called her every hour on the hour for the rest of the day to give her updates, full of expletives, on the non-arrival of the cable guy.

During one call, she heard him answer the door and start chewing the cable guy out before she hung up the phone. She felt a little sorry for the man, no matter how late he was. Dealing with an angry Lannister was never fun.

When she arrived home from work, Brienne was surprised to find Jaime not watching TV, but trying to make dinner in the kitchen (he had not mastered many culinary skills yet).

“Oh, I’m glad you’re home, wench. Let me finish this spaghetti and then we can watch TV on our new cable box.”

“New box? But I thought it was just the wiring that was faulty."

"Oh, it was, but I upgraded us to the premium digital package, so we got a new box.”

Brienne narrowed her eyes at him. “What happened to all that you said about the cable corporation being evil and you would not give an extra dime to them ever again?”

“But we get 15 extra channels, now, 15! Including that premium movie channel you always talk about. And a ton of more storage to record our shows. Oh! And faster internet.”

Brienne shook her head at him, frustrated by his inability to be thrifty but at the same time amused by his excitement.

“Jaime, we have to pay for this somehow.”

He handed her a plate of spaghetti. “I know, I will double down in my search for a more permanent job tomorrow, I promise.”

Believing his vow, she grabbed the plate and curled up on the couch to eat and take advantage of the new and expensive cable box. She smiled when Jaime sat beside her, but wondered why he was sitting a little closer than he used to. Or was that just her imagination?

He just smiled at her when she looked at him curiously, and then turned his attention back to the young couple from Winterfell who wanted to buy a fine home the same quality as their parents, but on the budget of an apprentice blacksmith. Brienne tried not to notice lock of hair fell on Jaime’s forehead when he leaned down to take a bite.

She did her best to pay attention to the show, despite the butterflies that had decided to dance in her stomach again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! More Jaime shenanigans to come!


	6. Jaime vs. Bottle Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime is too enthusiastic about recycling early on a Saturday morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for whoever gave me the prompt on this one! I enjoyed it because I grew up in Michigan, where you get 10 cents back for every can and bottle you return. I funded many a snack spree that way. :) 
> 
> No beta! Maybe I threw some typos in there, just to see how eagle-eyed you are. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. ;)

 Jaime banged on Brienne’s bedroom door once again. “Wake up, wench, we have to get going if we’re going to beat the crowd!”

He considered forcing his way in there and tossing her out of bed, but he was pretty sure he didn’t want to face the violent wrath of Brienne in the morning.

Still, he needed to get to the store on the other side of town by 8 and she was the one who could drive. He banged on her door again.

Brienne flung the door open and glared at him, and he tried not to grin at her morning hair, which was sticking out in all directions. “Morning sunshine, are you ready?”

“What are you even talking about? Where are we going? This is my only day to sleep in!”

“I’m sorry, Brienne, but we have to take all these bottles back, and if we don’t get there first we will have to wait in line and risk getting stuck with one of the worst machines.” He gestured to the 12 bags full of cans and bottles that sat in the living room. “And we have such a good haul that we need the good machine because this is going to take a while.”

“Where did you get all these bottles? We have not drunk this much beer and soda in the time you’ve been living with me.” Brienne pulled on a hoodie sweatshirt and used her hand to try to smooth her hair down. Jaime thought she was adorable when she first woke up but knew she would scowl at him if he told her so. There friendship had started in such an antagonistic way that she even now had difficulty believing and compliments he gave her.

“Earth to Jaime! Why are you just standing there smiling at me like an idiot – explain about the bottles!”

Brienne’s words shook him out of his thoughts. “Oh, I’ve been saving them in my room until now, and yesterday I went around to the neighbors and asked them for their cans and bottles too.”

Brienne blinked at him. “You went begging to the neighbors for donations? Things are not THAT tight, Jaime. You’ve been bringing in enough in your temp jobs to cover your share.”

He shook his head at her. “They were just going to throw them away! Can you believe it? Now we can buy new beer with what we make from returning these. We get 10 cents each!”

Brienne sighed and grabbed her car keys. “We can’t even agree on what kind of beer to buy.”

Jaime grabbed two bags to start loading the car. “And see there’s the benefit. With all these proceeds we can each pick some.”

Brienne picked up a bag with in both arms, cradling it to her chest. Judging by the clanking sound, it must be a heavier bag with glass bottles instead of cans. She let out a yelp as the bag ripped under the weight and some of the beer that must have remained in the bottom of the bottles dripped over all her pants and into her shoes.

She closed her eyes, and Jaime could tell she was trying REALLY hard not to yell at him. He rushed over and took the bag from her.

“Why don’t you go hop in the shower and clean that up while I load all of these in the car. On my own.”

Brienne still managed to keep her cool, merely nodding at him before storming off to her room, although she slammed her bedroom door a little bit loudly. She had the patience of a saint for putting up with him, except for the times when he deliberately antagonized her. Those fights were so much fun.

It kept things interesting. Still, she was doing him so many favors lately that he probably should let her pick all the kinds of beer.

He grinned as he started loading the car, because that didn’t mean he was going to let her pick what type of music they listened to without a fight. Or what snacks they purchased. Or what movies they watched.

It was going to be a great Saturday.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed.


	7. Jaime vs. Dumpster Diving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime brings some new furniture home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday! Thanks to whoever gave this prompt. I hope you are enjoying these! I have a short one today and one tomorrow to post, and the one after that should be longer and move the story forward a bit. I'm trying to find some pacing here and also use all my hilarious prompts. I really appreciate the challenge. :)

When Brienne arrived home from work, Jaime was rearranging the furniture. She had grown accustomed to him making himself at home at her place, really it was their place now though they had not formally had that discussion. But something seemed different about the living room.

“Is that a new end table? And where did you get that lamp?” She asked him, making Jaime jump because he had been so concentrated on his labors he did not notice her arrival.

“Do you like them? I worked hard to get them!” He showed them off to her happily like Vanna White from Wheel of Fortune.

“Where did you…oh gods Jaime, what is that smell?”

“What smell?”

She crossed the room to him, noticing something red on his face. “Is that blood? Are you okay?”

Jaime touched his face in concern and smelled the red liquid that came away on his finger. “Oh, I’m fine, it’s just ketchup.”

“How did you get ketchup on your face?” Brienne nearly gagged when she got close to him. “Jaime Lannister – that foul smell is you!”

“I stink? Must have been the third one I jumped in to get the lazy susan,” he muttered.

“Third what?”

“Dumpster! Would you believe people just throw furniture away?”

Brienne stared at him wide eyed. The former wealthy and proper Jaime Lannister was covered in dirt and ketchup and smelled like he rolled around in a sewer. “Do you mean to tell me you were diving into dumpsters to find us furniture? Jaime, why?”

“Waste not, want not, wench,” he said with a laugh. “And this furniture is actually pretty nice.”

Brienne surveyed the end table. “You know what? It actually kind of is! I’ve been wanting something to put my drink on now that you have taken residence on the other side of the couch.”

Jaime grinned. “My butt has molded the cushion on that side just to my liking. It would be ruined if you sat there.”

Brienne rolled her eyes at him, she didn’t know why she put up with him sometimes. She went back to her inspection of the end table, opening the cupboard on it’s side.

And about 15 cockroaches scurried out. They stamped their feet to vanquish them together, and then Jaime gave her a sheepish look.

“Guess I should have checked that before bringing it in.”

“You think?”

“I vow to always do so in the future, wench.”

Brienne smiled at him. “Now, please go take a shower. I never imagined you could ever make it worse being near you, but you have succeeded.”

Jaime stepped closer and grinned.

“You love being close to me, admit it. This putrid smell is the only thing keeping your lust at bay.”

She scowled at him, despite the blush that his sexy smirk had created. “Shut up. Go shower. And wash your hair twice.”

Brienne rearranged the new furniture to her own liking while he whistled away in the shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Tune in tomorrow for Jaime vs. Free Netflix Trial.


	8. Jaime vs. Free Netflix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime loves Netflix, even more so when he doesn't have to pay for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to whoever gave me this prompt. A few things about this chapter - first, it is a bit different from other chapters because it is dialogue-only. Second, it is pretty short. Third, there is a bit in here dedicated to my lovely friends from chat who always throw out words for us to google and get scandalized. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

“Jaime – you wouldn’t happen to be thesexiestlannister789 would you?”

“Maybe…why?”

“Because I just got forwarded an e-mail with ‘Wench, here is our new Netflix login’ in the subject line.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Yep, that will be our Netflix password for the next month.”

“I thought you had a different e-mail address.”

“I do, two actually. I just signed up for this one so I could get a third free trial of Netflix. Saved us 11 bucks this month.”

“You’re really getting into this thriftiness thing, Jaime. I’m kind of proud of you, but you do go to extremes sometimes.”

“Thank you, I think I’m probably better at it than you by now, wench.”

“Yeah, one would never know you were raised with a silver spoon in your mouth. Can this be your last new e-mail, though? I feel really unethical working the system like this.”

“The ever-honorable Brienne Tarth. Fine, I will pay for it like a normal person next month.”

“Good, and don’t accidently send any other e-mails from that accounts, especially when job hunting. That is not exactly professional.”

“What? You don’t think the sexiest Lannister is professional?”

“Um, no.”

“Hey, wait a minute, Brienne. Why did you ask if the e-mail was from me? It should have been obvious from the account name.”

“Oh really? And you assume that I don’t think of Tyrion as the sexiest Lannister?”

“TYRION? You're japing, wench. How on earth could you think my brother was the sexiest Lannister instead of me?”

“I don’t know, he has his charms.”

“Fine, I call your bluff. Why don’t you text my brother to come over and ‘Netflix and Chill’ with you?”

“I hardly think Tyrion wants to come over and watch Stranger Things this time of night.”

“That’s not what ‘Netflix and Chill’ means, wench.”

“What?”

“Google it.”

“Gah! Why do you have me look stuff up like this? Why is that a euphemism for sex? People are so weird.”

“Truth time about the sexiest Lannister – who would you rather ‘Netflix and Chill’ with, me or Tyrion? Wench? Where are you going? Answer the question!”

 “Wench, I’m sorry I teased you so much. Can you please come out of your room and watch one more episode of Stranger Things with me?”

 “Fine, but let me get my pajamas on. And we are sitting on opposite sides of the couch. And you can’t put your feet on my lap.”

“But what if they get cold? … Okay, whatever, I’ll see you in a few minutes. I’ll make the popcorn while you get dressed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm still writing the next chapter, and it will be a bit longer than usual because it is moving the story forward. I will post it as soon as it's done, so it could be tomorrow or a few days. The next chapter is Jaime vs. Finding a Job.


	9. Jaime vs. Finding a Job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime seeks permanent employment, and gets help from an unlikely source.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings all. I had many prompts for "Jaime finds a job" so here is the answer to that! This one is not as funny as usual because I wanted to move the story forward, but it's a little longer than most! I hope you enjoy it!

Jaime vs. Finding a Job

Jaime resisted the urge to throw his phone across the room. Yet another rejection for a job from someone else who was either in his father’s pocket, or afraid of him. With Randyll Tarly, he assumed it was the latter.

He had been searching for a serious, more permanent job for several weeks while working at his temporary gigs, but nothing was panning out in the corporate business world that he had left when he had rejected the life his father had planned for him.

And the thing was, despite wanting to bring in a steadier income to help Brienne with the bills, Jaime wasn’t quite sure he wanted to return to the high-pressured world from which he’s been rejected. He had not been happy in that life, and it took a car crash, loss of hand and hateful words from his father to see it.

But he didn’t exactly know what to do with himself either. In his temporary positions he had experimented in all kind of workforces, but nothing seemed to click enough to make him want to stay long-term.

Jaime was about to turn off his phone for a mental health break when it rang in his hands. He was surprised to see his brother Tyrion’s name appear on the Caller ID.

“Little brother, it’s been a while,” he answered.

“Yes, sorry I’ve been remiss in calling you and thanking you for the wine you sent over. It was very thoughtful of you.”

“I had a coupon.”

Tyrion chuckled. “My, how frugal you’ve become.”

“You have no idea. Not that I don’t enjoy talking to you, but I’m sure you’ve called for a reason after all these months,” Jaime said.

“Cutting right to the point, I see. Very well, I spoke with Bronn.”

“Oh gods.”

“And he may have mentioned something about a chicken suit,” Tyrion said in a quiet voice, but Jaime knew his brother well enough to know that he was holding back a laugh.

“That bastard was supposed to keep that quiet.”

“Well, he may have mentioned that he was only supposed to not send it to Brienne, and he didn’t,” Tyrion laughed.

“Remind me to beat him a little extra at the gym next time,” Jaime said through gritted teeth.

“Speaking of Brienne, have you told…”

“You are getting away from your point about the chicken suit,” Jaime interrupted.

“I see your feelings for your best friend are still a sensitive point. Really, Jaime, you’ve lived with her for months now.” Tyrion was persistent.

“Can we please not talk about this?”

“Fine, but now that we are back in brotherly good graces, I’m not going to let this go forever,” Tyrion said. “Jaime, I’m getting married.”

Jaime almost dropped the phone in shock. His brother was not known for wanting to be tied down to one woman.

“You’re what?”

“I’m getting married, to this lovely young lady names Sansa Stark. At first it was a political match made by Father so I resisted it, but the two of us found out that we quite suit one another.” Tyrion explained. “And then dear old dad had a falling out with her family, so they called the match off but we are doing it anyway. It will be a small ceremony at a quaint little inn in the north.”

“He’ll disown you, you know. Father doesn’t take too kindly to his children going against his wishes.” Jaime knew that truth all too well. “So, of course I’ll be there.”

Tyrion laughed. “I thought you would say as much. I’m hoping you would be my best man.”

“I would be honored, but that doesn’t explain what any of this has to do with my chicken suit.”

“Ah, yes, and I do hope to see Bronn’s picture of that day sometime. I do have a point. My soon to be Good Mother is on the board of King’s Landing University, and I may have brought up your name when she mentioned they were looking for another business professor.”

“Me? I can’t be a professor!”

“Why not? I think you would be amazing at it. You know more about business and marketing than anyone else in the family, save father. And you are more ethical than either of them.”

Jaime chuckled at that. “But Tyrion, my reputation…”

“Has vastly improved since you chucked the family business. You standing up to Tywin over ethical issues has made you a legend. Catelyn Stark gets a chuckle thinking about the possibility of a Lannister teaching business ethics.”

“So, I would be a joke?”

“Gods, Jaime, no. This is a great opportunity. Your charisma and charm, combined with your business knowledge, I think you would be a pro at this.”

Jaime mulled it over. “You know, I’m desperate enough to take you up on this nepotism offer.”

“Well, it’s not in the bag, you still have to interview. I scheduled it for you on Friday. Bring your charm, but don’t lay it on too thick, Cat will hate that.”

“Be charming, but not too charming.  Sure, sounds easy,” Jaime laughed. “Thanks, Tyrion. Oh, but I’m not shaving my beard.”

“Bold choice…may I ask why?”

“Brienne likes it.”

“Of course, she does.”

“Don’t say it.”

“What?”

Jaime scowled at the phone, forgetting for a moment that his brother couldn’t see him. “Never mind, thank you for the help with the job interview.”

Tyrion was still chuckling when Jaime hung up the phone.

**

A few days later, Jaime threw his hand up in frustration as he failed once again to tie his tie. This had been a lot easier with two hands. And he didn’t want to try too hard and wrinkle this one because it was the only tie he had brought with him when he stormed out of the family mansion when his father disowned him.

If he got the job, he would have to go shopping for some more professional attire.

“Can I help you with that?” Brienne asked from the doorway of his room. His amazing best friend had taken the morning off work to be moral support for him because he was nervous about the interview. She had made his favorite breakfast, and peppered him with practice interview questions. And of course, had blushed furiously when he answered them inappropriately.

“Please don’t talk that way to Catelyn Stark,” she begged him.

“Of course not, wench, only for you,” Jaime teased.

Messing with Brienne had indeed eased his nerves, until he encountered this stupid tie. “Sure, you can help, I guess.”

Brienne crossed the room to him and took a side of the tie in each of her hands, pulling his neck closer to her. Jaime’s breath caught, and he hoped she wouldn’t hear his heart beating, because he was sure it was pounding in his chest.

Brienne made quick work of his tie, but didn’t back up right away. His eyes caught her sapphire ones and the two of them were locked in the moment. Jaime didn’t want it to break. He thought of Bronn and Tyrion’s teasing him about confessing his feeling for Brienne. Now would be a good moment, but he couldn’t bring himself to.

She had been so kind to him these past few months, taking care of him and showing him the ropes of living without the family’s wealth. And what did he have to bring to her? Other than his good looks and charm? And the charm that seemed to work on other women only seemed to get Brienne angrier at him.

He would do best to wait to confess his feelings after he found a job, and then he would have a little more value. Still, she had beautiful blue eyes, and her lips were just inches from his. And was she leaning closer to him? Did she want this too?

And suddenly the moment was over, and Brienne was stepping away and breaking eye contact with him. Jaime wondered if he had made her uncomfortable.

“Brienne, I’m sor…” he started, but she interrupted him.

“I have a present for you. Don’t movie,” Brienne said as she rushed out of the room. She returned carrying a tweed jacket.

“I know you don’t have many jackets anymore, and this one screamed ‘professor’ to me.” She held up the jacket. “You should dress for the job you want.”

“Wench, I got both my bachelor’s and masters and none of my professors ever wore tweed,” he teased. “My gods, it even has patches on the elbows.”

Brienne scowled at him. “Fine, don’t wear it then.”

She blushed a deep shade of red, and it dawned on him where she had gotten the idea from. “Gods, this is because of your Indiana Jones obsession, isn’t it?”

“No.”

“It is! Are you going to buy me a fedora too now, wench? You know, for after hours?”

“Shut up, Jaime.”

He joked about it all the way to the door. “Are you going to write ‘Love you’ on your eyelids like that girl in the movie and blink them at me?”

Brienne scowled at him. “This is what I get for trying to be nice to you.”

Jaime laughed and turned on his way out. “It’s truly appreciated, Brienne. I feel much better.”

He whistled all the way to his interview. He tried to charm Catelyn Stark, but she called him arrogant and rude. Still, she believed the students would love him and she said she owed her brother a favor, so he got the job anyway.

Maybe the tweed jacket his wench had gotten for him was lucky. He would have to get more of them before his classes started. And ties too.

The thought of Brienne helping him tie them every day made him grin.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it!


	10. Jaime vs. PMS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne is grumpy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is not from a prompt, but from a conversation I had with a friend the other day who will remain nameless because sharing her current time of the month would be TMI lol
> 
> This is not beta'd because I like to live on the wild side.

 Brienne curled into a ball on her bed. Sometimes being a woman really sucked. Luckily, Jaime was out with his brother Tyrion celebrating his new job, so she had the apartment to herself.

She had already taken a bath and put on her comfiest pants. And now she was getting ready to watch one of her favorite romance movies. She may not be all that “girlie” when it came to style, but she had a soft spot for a good love story.

Brienne couldn’t get comfortable, though, she had cramps so bad and was waiting for her pain meds to kick in. And all she could see from her position on the bed was the overflowing trashcan in the kitchen that Jaime had promised to take out but had forgotten.

Scowling at it, she pulled out her phone.

**Brienne: Thanks for not taking out the trash, idiot.**

**Jaime: I’m sorry, wench, I forgot. I will take care of it when I get home.**

**Brienne: The name’s Brienne.**

**Jaime: I’m aware, wench.**

Brienne scowled at her phone.

**Brienne: Never mind, it’s starting to smell, I suppose I will just have to take it out myself. Just like I do everything around here.**

**Jaime: ☹ I thought I was doing better.**

She sighed at his text. He really was, but she was still pissed about the trash.

**Brienne: You are. It just smells. Remember to keep your promises next time.**

**Jaime: You okay, Brienne?**

**Brienne: I see you’ve remembered my name.**

**Jaime: Always, but I just like wench better. You okay?**

**Brienne: I’m fine, just have fun with your brother.**

**Jaime: You sure?**

**Brienne: Yes, now leave me alone, I’m trying to brainstorm ways to block out this smell until you get home.**

**Jaime: You’re hilarious, wench. Tyrion says hi.**

**Brienne: Tell my favorite Lannister hello.**

**Jaime: You’re favorite Lannister? First, he’s the hottest, now he’s your favorite?**

**Brienne: I bet Tyrion takes out the trash.**

**Jaime: No, he probably pays someone to do it for him.**

**Brienne: At least his apartment doesn’t smell, I bet.**

**Jaime: Well, you have me there, wench. Hey…do me a favor.**

**Brienne: Don’t I do enough?**

**Jaime: LOL More than enough, Brienne, but please grant me one more. Look in the cabinet to the left of the stove.**

Brienne groaned as she climbed out of bed. She didn’t want to leave its coziness but was too curious. She found a box that said “Wench’s Emergency Kit.”

She opened it to find a box of chocolates and a bottle of her favorite wine. She stared at the contents for a moment, surprised.

**Brienne: Thank you, Jaime, how did you know?**

**Jaime: You usually have the longest of fuses with me, wench, but today it has been decidedly shorter.**

**Brienne: Thank you**

**Jaime: No problem, now enjoy your treat and I will be home soon and we can watch that movie you like so much. The one about the woman knight who kicks ass and falls for the handsome nobleman.**

**Brienne: I do like that one.**

**Jaime: The 50 th viewing tipped me off. Feel better, wench.**

**Brienne: Thank you, Jaime.**

Brienne grabbed her wine and chocolate and curled back into her cozy spot while she waited for her…best friend. Her…Jaime. Stupid hormones, she thought as she wiped a few tears that trickled out of her eyes.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Even the toughest of women can be felled by evil hormones.


	11. Jaime vs. Free Samples

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime and Brienne return to Sam's Club.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the prompt "food samples" - who knew that eating free stuff at Sam's Club could ever be so sexy?

Jaime grinned at Brienne as she pulled into Sam’s Club.

“Why are we coming here again? We aren’t out of stock on anything,” Brienne grumbled.

“They have a good deal on toilet paper.” Jaime jumped out of the car and rushed around to open her door for her.

“What in hells are you doing?”

“I promised I would take you out when you felt better to celebrate my new job, so opening doors is part of taking someone out.”

Brienne scowled at him. Gods, he loved her scowl. “I can open my own doors in the future, thank you very much.”

“Noted, milady.” Although he made a mental note to open her door more often to get that scowl again.

They walked into the store and quickly found the toilet paper they needed, but Jaime steered Brienne toward the food section.

“Wench, you have got to try these bacon-wrapped shrimp I heard about. They’re giving them out for free!”

They went to the free sample display with the shrimp. Brienne moaned when she popped one in her mouth, and it was all Jaime could do not to stare at her. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.

“This was so good, you were right,” Brienne said. “We should totally buy some of these, although I don’t think I could make them turn out the same.”

Next, they stopped at a table where they were giving out samples of chicken enchiladas. Jaime’s heart skipped when Brienne reached over with a napkin and wiped some sauce that dripped on his chin.

Was she doing this on purpose? Jaime wondered this when they were at a barbecue rib sample table and Brienne was licking her fingers clean. His pants felt much tighter, and he was about to embarrass himself in Sam’s Club.

Catching a glimpse of Brienne’s innocent sapphire eyes, he knew that she had no idea what she was doing to him. Still, if this continued he was going to have that talk he was avoiding with her sooner rather than later.

“Jaime, are you okay?”

“Cheesecake!”

“What?”

“There’s a cheesecake sample table over there. We need dessert, right?” Jaime said hurriedly, trying to get her away from the barbecue ribs.

Brienne stopped halfway to the other table and grabbed his arm. “Jaime Lannister, when you said you were taking me to dinner to celebrate your new job, is this what you meant? Free samples?”

Jaime gave her a grin. “Of course, wench, I haven’t even started my first day or gotten paid yet.”

Brienne scowled at him. “I could have bought us something.”

“Nonsense, why do such a thing when all this delicious food is free?”

“I really have created a thrifty monster.”

“I tell you what, I will buy you your favorite beer after this. And when I do finally get paid, I will take you to a real restaurant.”

“Nothing…” Brienne opened her mouth to say, but Jaime interrupted.

“Nothing fancy, I know. You hate those kinds of places. And I’m not really a fan of them anymore either.”

“Sounds like a deal,” she said.

They stood for a moment in the produce aisle, just staring at each other. Brienne gave a small smile and grabbed his hand.

“Come on, I believe I was promised cheesecake.”

Jaime squeezed her hand and let her lead him toward the dessert. His wench may not know it yet, but she had just agreed to go on a date with him. Now he just had to figure out how to convince her that they could be more than best friends before his first paycheck came in.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have progress! Hurray!


	12. Jaime vs. The Thrift Store

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime and Brienne visit the thrift store to buy some clothes for his new job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, just a quick one this time. For the prompts Jaime vs. Thrift Store. Hope you enjoy!

“Thirty dollars for a sofa! I can’t believe it!”

“Jaime, we don’t need another sofa,” Brienne said. She knew brining him to the thrift store was probably a bad idea given how shrewdly he looked for deals lately, but he needed some nice clothes for his new job and they were on a budget.

“I know, wench, but I once paid thousands of dollars for a couch or my old penthouse! This is amazing!”

Brienne shook her head at him. Any other former heir to millions would be sad about their loss of wealth, but Jaime had seemed downright joyful about his life lately.

“Jaime, we are here for clothes, nothing else.”

“They have Tupperware! And exercise equipment. OOOOOOH Swords. Wench they have swords. We have to get a sword.”

She had to admit, the swords were pretty cool. And maybe she did let him talk her into a mini sparring session in the sporting goods and collectibles aisle.

“I won,” she finally declared. “Now can we go get you some more tweed jackets?”

“You only beat me because I lost my good hand. You would not have beaten old Jaime.” He pouted at this, and Brienne couldn’t help but grin.

“Old Jaime would never have deigned to set foot in this store.”

Jaime nodded at her words. “You know, I kind of like new Jaime.”

“I do too.” Brienne blushed a little at the words. “Not that I didn’t like you before, it’s just…”

“It’s just that I’m not a huge tool now, it’s okay you can say it!” Jaime laughed.

“I would never,” Brienne protested.

Jaime gave her a fond smile. “No, you wouldn’t. My never-changing Brienne, always my cheerleader in whatever version I appear.”

He wasn’t lying. Brienne had always known that there was more to Jaime than the arrogant asshole he first presented. Well maybe always was an exaggeration. She had known after their first few weeks of knowing each other. Before that it was dicey as to whether or not she would murder him for the things that came out of his mouth.

“Come on, let’s get you some jackets for your when you start your job, Professor Lannister.”

“Professor Lannister. That makes me sound like an old man.”

“Suck it up, Lannister. Remember this is a steady paycheck.” In truth, Brienne really wanted him to try on more jackets and his stalling was driving her crazy. It turned out she had a thing for Jaime in tweed.

He waggled his eyebrows knowingly at her.

“Fine, wench, let’s get me some scholarly looking gear so you can ogle me and pretend I’m Harrison Ford.”

“Jaime, you will never be as attractive as Harrison Ford.”

“Whatever wench, you know you love my…OH MY GODS WHAT IS THAT? I HAVE TO BUY THIS IMMEDIATELY!”

Jaime was holding up a “Famous Businessmen of Westeros” bobblehead – of Tywin Lannister.

“Why would someone donate such a thing to a thrift store?” Brienne asked.

“There are more important questions here, Brienne. Like, why did I not know this even existed at all? My father would hate this. Look how stupid he looks when his head bobbles. I’m going to buy this and send it in the mail to him with all those letters I need to return.”

“You could read his letters first, you know.”

“Don’t want to, and now I have this amazing gift that will piss him off to no end to send back with them!”

In the end, they left the thrift store with enough clothing for Jaime’s first couple of weeks on the jobs (including more tweed to Brienne’s delight), a wine rack, the swords (because he needed to practice defeating her), a popcorn popper, two candleholders and one very rare Tywin Lannister bobblehead.

Jaime made her promise they would return to the thrift store for it’s monthly 50 percent off Saturday. Every month. For the foreseeable future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! 
> 
> Next up: Jaime vs. Public Transportation


	13. Jaime vs. Public Transportation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime does a practice run of his subway route before he starts his new job, and of course Brienne goes with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to whoever gave the Jaime vs. Public Transportation prompt! I was kind of cheesy yesterday, so I apologize in advance for how very rom-com this chapter feels.

“Tell me why we are doing this again?” Brienne asked him as they purchased their tickets from the machine. “I can just drive you to work on my way in.”

Jaime smiled at his best friend, because she always acted so disgruntled when he asked her to do things, but he knew she loved to help. It was one of the things that made her wonderful.

“I told you, my class teaching schedule doesn’t always mesh with your work schedule, and I can’t just take taxis everywhere anymore. It’s too expensive,” Jaime told her as they walked down the steps to the subway platform. “And I don’t want my first ride on public transportation to be on my first day on the job. What if I get of on the wrong stop? What if I’m late?”

Jaime knew he sounded like a young man nervous about his first job, but the stakes were so high. He was determined to prove to everyone that he could do this – to his new boss, to his father and most importantly, Brienne. He really wanted her to be proud of him.

“I’m sure you would have been fine, but I will admit this is kind of fun. I haven’t ridden on the subway in a long time. And we get to see your new office!”

He mirrored Brienne’s grin as they stepped on the subway train that would bring them close to the university. There was one empty seat, and Jaime gestured for Brienne to take it. “Ladies First,” he said, knowing that would tick her off.

She rewarded him with his favorite scowl.

“I’m no lady,” Brienne growled out, but took the seat anyway. They rode in silence for a stop or two, Jaime grinning and Brienne scowling, until…

“Jaime, get out of my lap.”

“I’m sorry, wench, the train lurched so suddenly I lost my grip and fell on the nearest soft-landing spot.”

Brienne pushed him back into standing position and abruptly stood too, so the elderly woman who just boarded could have her seat.

The older woman looked at the two with a twinkle in her eyes. “If that was my young man I would want to be closer to him too,” she said to Brienne.

“I’m not…he’s not my…” Brienne started to say before Jaime interrupted.

“You’re right, ma’am, she can’t seem to keep her hands off me. It’s quite a problem,” Jaime told the woman, who let out a guffaw at his words.

“Shut up, Jaime,” Brienne said.

“It’s the beard. My husband had a glorious one as well. I miss it,” the woman told them.

“She has been more amorous lately since I started growing it out.”

Brienne now had her arms crossed in frustration while staring at him angrily. Which was a huge mistake, because the subway lurched forward again, and it completely knocked her off balance. Jaime was holding on overhead, but he managed to reach out and get his stump the small of her back and pull her close to him. She was flush against his chest, her chin over his shoulder.  

“I got you,” he whispered into her ear.

Brienne pulled back a bit so she could reach overhead to hold herself steady. She did not pull out of his arms, though, Jaime noticed. Their faces were inches apart. Her sapphire eyes were wide and aware, but not filled with disgust. He glanced down at her lips. Maybe he should just start moving in their direction.

“Brienne,” he said softly as he leaned forward, and his heart skipped a beat as she started leaning forward too.

But the moment was broken when the train lurched once again as it came to a halt at their stop.

“Damn,” said the old woman next to them, as she popped a piece of popcorn into her mouth (Jaime wondered if she carried the snack in her purse for such occasions). “It was just getting good.”

The woman gave Jaime a sympathy smile as Brienne backed away quickly and hurried off the train. Jaime winked at the woman before following his wench. “Don’t worry, I’m just getting started.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Next chapter is Jaime vs. The Neighbor's Dog.


	14. Jaime vs. The Neighbor's Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime and Brienne can't sleep due to yapping next door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for those who gave me the prompts "Jaime vs. Neighbors" and "Jaime vs. Neighbor's Dog." 
> 
> This is pure and utter ridiculousness and does not move the plot forward in any way. Enjoy!
> 
> No dogs were harmed in the making of this chapter. LOL

Brienne was awakened by a howl of rage coming form the other side of the apartment. She leaped out of bed and threw her door open to see Jaime standing there in his boxer briefs (and nothing else), wielding one of the swords they had purchased the other day at the thrift store.

“I can’t take it anymore, wench. It must die,” Jaime growled.

It took Brienne a moment to catch up with what he was saying because she was distracted by his naked chest. Finally, she heard the loud barking, no…yapping, coming once again from their neighbor’s apartment.

“Ugh, not again,” she groaned.

“Yes, again. We’ve got to murder it, that is the only solution,” Jaime said.

“Jaime, we can’t murder a dog.”

“Why not? We’ve complained numerous times, and nothing has been done.”

Brienne couldn’t help but agree a little bit. She had enough of a hard time falling asleep tonight thinking about how close she and Jaime may or may not have come to kissing or something in the subway today. And now she would never get back to sleep with all that yapping.

“Let’s go knock on their door,” she told Jaime. He nodded angrily and started marching toward the door. “Um, Jaime? Leave the sword home. And you might want to put on pants…and a shirt.”

“That would be a hard no on both. I’m handling this now.”

Well, she tried.

Brienne hurried after him and caught up as he was banging on the door. “Get your asses out of bed! I don’t care if you’re sleeping, no one else on this floor is!”

The door opened, and an older man stared at them through sleepy eyes. “Can I help you?”

Before they could reply the beast in question, a fluffy red-haired dog rushed out of the apartment and yapped at them.

“Tormund, get back in here!” Their neighbor tried fruitlessly to grab the dog, but he scurried out of his grasp and rushed toward Jaime’s ankle, which he promptly bit.

“Ouch, you damned beast!”

Jaime started swinging the sword wildly in the apartment hallway, and the man started yelling at him to not hurt his dog. Brienne felt like laughing at the scene, mostly because Jaime was still in his underwear during all of this, but she supposed she should intervene before he was arrested or something.

“Jaime, I think you should calm down,” she said as she stepped forward. When she spoke, the little yapping creature stopped it’s attack and dodge game with Jaime and tilted its head at her.

Then, without warning, it was charging at her. Brienne braced herself to be bitten in the leg, but when she looked down, she screeched because it was doing something else.

The fuzzball was humping her leg.

“Tormund, you stop that right now!” the horny dog’s owner yelled at him, but the dog did not listen and continued its amorous pursuits on her leg.

“Get away from my wench, you horrendous creature,” Jaime yelled. He dropped his sword and rushed over to her, grabbing the dog off her leg. The dog snarled and snapped at him, locking on to his good hand with all its might. Brienne could see blood starting to trickle down Jaime’s wrist as he stormed back to their neighbor.

“Take your beast and lock him up or muzzle him, I don’t care, just keep him quiet. We cannot sleep.” Jaime shoved the dog in the man’s arms and turned back toward their apartment, grabbing Brienne’s hand and taking her with him.

He slammed the door behind them. “I hate that flea bag even more now. I mean, you have gorgeous legs, but that was just ridiculous.”

Brienne blushed and looked down at her legs, realizing for the first time that she was only wearing her very short pajama pants. She looked back up at Jaime, only to blush more because she noticed he had followed her line of sight and was staring at her legs as well.

“Very gorgeous legs,” Jaime murmured.

“You’re bleeding,” Brienne blurted out, desperate to change the subject. “Let me clean that up for you.”

“You don’t have to, I’m fine,” he protested.

“Nonsense. You rescued me from that horrible monster, the least I can do is tend to your wounds.”

Jaime grinned and nodded. “You’re right, you owe me a debt for saving you from that fate.”

She grabbed some alcohol wipes and dabbed at the bite, and he winced. “My hero,” she said, grinning. Brienne bandaged him up and made him promise to follow up with the doctor the next morning to make sure he didn’t need anything else.

As soon as they were almost to each of their rooms, the yapping started up again.

“I swear to the gods,” Jaime started, eyeing his sword.

Brienne rushed to her purse and pulled something out. “Here, these are ear plugs I got the other day to help me focus at work. Why don’t you use them?”

Jaime took them from her but looked hesitant.

“Are you sure? You need some sleep too, wench.”

“I’m not starting the first day of my brand-new job tomorrow. Take them and get some rest. I’ll see what I can do about the yappy dog situation in the morning.”

Brienne made a mental note to snap a photo of Jaime’s injury, just so her case would have more weight with the super. One thing was for sure, little yappy Tormund had to go.


	15. Jaime vs. New Coworker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime is home early from his first day at the new job, but he doesn't want to tell Brienne why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt "Jaime vs. New Coworker." This one is a bit more fluffy than funny. I'm in a fluffy sugary mood today. LOL

Jaime hesitated before opening the door to their apartment. His wench was going to be so mad at him. Sure, what he had done today had been on her behalf, but he knew she wouldn’t see it that way.

 _Best get it over with_ , he thought, as he stepped into their shared domicile.  

Brienne was sitting on the couch with her legs tucked under her, sipping on a glass of wine and reading a book. She looked so peaceful, he hated to spoil the moment.

She looked up at the sound of him closing the door behind him and putting his keys in the bowl. “Jaime! What are you doing home all ready? I thought you were doing late office hours on your first day so your students could have a chance to get to know you?”

Jaime looked down at his shoes, not wanting to meet her eyes.

“I was asked to leave campus for the day?”

Brienne set her wine glass down and stood forcefully. “Asked? Jaime did you get fired on your very first day of teaching?”

Jaime shook his head. “No, just told that it would probably be best if I stayed away until my classes on Thursday.”

Brienne crossed her arms and glared at him. “What did you do?”

Still not wanting to meet her sapphire eyes that always seemed to dig into his soul, he busied himself by pouring his own glass of wine.

“I had a little…disagreement…with a coworker.”

“On your first day? What could another professor possibly do to irk you in only a few short hours?”

Jaime sat down on the couch, hoping his best friend would join him. Somehow it was easier to face angry Brienne when she was sitting. Still, she stood there glaring at him like

“It wasn’t a professor, it was a janitor. And I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You got in a fight with a janitor? By gods, why Jaime?”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it. And it wasn’t really a fight. One hit with this, and he was down,” Jaime said, waving his prosthetic hand.

“It’s not like you to lose your temper like this. Please tell me what it was about.” Brienne still hadn’t sat down, and now she was pacing the room like a caged warrior, ready to pounce on whoever might have offended and harmed him. “Did he say something to you? Was it something to do with your family?”

Gods, he loved her. No one in his life had ever cared for his welfare more than Brienne Tarth. If only he could figure out a way to tell her.

“No, it was none of those things.”

Brienne stopped pacing and glared at him. “Well, you must not have totally been in the wrong if they only sent you home instead of firing you.”

Jaime nodded. “It was a justified punch, believe me. And neither of us was fired. He was moved to another building too because they felt it was best that we work nowhere near each other again.”

Brienne reached out and gripped his hand. “Jaime, please tell me. I’m worried. Did he say something about Tyrion?”

Jaime pulled his hand away to run it through his hair in frustration. He may as well admit it.

“The janitor…his name was Ron Connington.”

Brienne paled. “Oh Jaime, no,” she whispered.

Once Jaime got started, he couldn’t stop. “He was saying all sorts of terrible things about you, things that were making even all the students in the vicinity aghast at his language. Why didn’t you tell me about your father trying to set you up with that idiot? You were wise to decide not to date him.”

“Well…he was the one who didn’t want to date me,” Brienne said.

“What?” Jaime was legitimately perplexed. Sure, Brienne was not the typical-type person, but she was literally the best person on the planet. Anyone who didn’t want to date her was a fool.

“He showed up for the blind date our parents arranged, called me ugly and stormed off. Jaime, where are you going?”

Jaime had stood up and had his hand on the doorknob. “I’m going to go hit him again.”

Brienne actually laughed. He didn’t know how she could have a sense of humor about all of this.

“Jaime, please don’t. It’s all in the past. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Brienne, you should have heard some of the things he was saying. Scratch that, I never want you to hear anything so awful.”

“I can fight my own battles, you know.” Brienne's humor had faded to annoyance. There it was, the anger that Jaime knew would come from Brienne for starting a fight on her behalf.

“I know, wench, but I was there. I couldn’t stand hearing him talk about you like that anymore.”

She crossed the room and put his glass of wine back in his hand.

“Well, thank you for defending my honor once again. First with that nasty dog and now with, well, another nasty dog. Keep this up and you will be my official knight in shining armor.”

She blushed as she said it, and he wanted to tell her that there was nothing more he wanted in this world, but the doorbell rang.

“That would be the pizza. I’ll split it with you, and because of your noble deeds, I will even let you control the remote.”

“Let me? As if you could stop me.”

Brienne rolled her eyes at him.

A little later, when they were enjoying their dinner, she paused the TV.

“Jaime? Can you tell me a little bit about you punching Ron again?”

And to both their delight, he shared how the man had tripped while falling from Jaime’s blow and landed face-first into his dirty mop bucket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! The very very very very slow burn continues! :) Have a great weekend.


	16. Jaime vs. Pumping Gas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime and Brienne are on a roadtrip for Tyrion's bachelor party up north.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for whoever gave the prompt for this chapter. I did not expect to move the story forward in this chapter but it just kind of happened. :) I hope you enjoy!

Brienne was annoyed by many things at the moment, and most of them were Jaime’s fault.

He had talked her into coming with him on this weekend trip north for the bachelor party for his brother, Tyrion. Brienne liked Tyrion, but she didn’t know why she should attend this family and friends weekend.

“But you’re my best friend,” Jaime had begged. “And I need you by my side when I’m stressed.”

“What is making you so stressed? You’re talking to Tyrion again; you and Bronn see each other all the time.”

Jaime had hesitated at that. “Well, it will be my first time seeing my brother since I was basically kicked out of the family. And I haven’t been part of the Lannister lifestyle. I don’t want to slip into my old self on accident. I need my ever-mindful wench around to make sure I don’t regress to my old ways.”

She had scoffed at that excuse, but still let herself be talked into this trip. Truth be told, the apartment would have been too quiet without him. What would she do with herself if she wasn’t helping her best friend figure out something new every day.

So she was sitting here in a freezing car, waiting for Jaime to pump the gas, and dreading spending a weekend with people she did not know well. She had met Tyrion a few times and knew Bronn now that Jaime had invited him over a few times. But she didn’t know the bride or any of the bridesmaids or groomsmen.

She had made Jaime promise she wouldn’t get roped into any bachelorette party activities. It was bad enough she would feel awkward because she always stood out in a crowd and was not particularly great at social niceties, but she also was not great at doing “girlie” things that would be expected if she hung out with bridesmaids.  

Brienne rubbed her hands together to keep them warm. Turning the car off so they could pump gas had also made the heat go away for a few minutes. Who threw parties in the middle of the winter in the north?

What was taking that man so long? Brienne craned her neck to look through the back window at Jaime, who was staring, perplexed at the display on the gas pump.

 _Do not engage_ , she told herself. She was too cold and would freeze her ass off more if she got out of the car to help him. Besides, she was starting to get suspicious that Jaime didn’t need as much help as he made it appear. She had no idea why he would fake it, other than he seemed to take so much joy in them doing so much together.

She wasn’t about to process what that meant. Things had been strange between them after something almost happened on their subway ride, but neither of them seemed ready to discuss it. So they walked around in some sort of strange limbo. Jaime had snapped out of it the night that crazy dog humping her legs, and had been back to his japing self. He had even called her legs sexy.

Brienne was pulled from her thoughts by a tap on her window. She opened the door a little bit so she could hear him, but not enough for the cold wind to penetrate the car’s interior.

“What is taking so long, Jaime?”

“Would you believe me if I said I’ve never pumped gas before?” His teeth were chattering when he said it, not even his newly grown beard could keep him warm in this weather.

“Sadly, I would believe that. Why did you volunteer to do it then?” Resolved to get this taken care of quickly, she got out of the car and rushed to the pump.

“I was trying to be noble and take the freezing temperatures, so you wouldn’t have to, wench.”

“Are you going to pay attention to what I’m doing or not?”

“You’re grumpy when you’re cold.”

Brienne started to put her card in the machine, but Jaime reached out and put his hand on hers. Even through gloves, it sent a jolt of something through her. She shivered, and it wasn’t from the freezing air.

“I’m paying for this, wench. Just show me how.”

He made a show of not being able to figure out how to put his card in the machine. Jaime flashed a grin at her when she grabbed his hand again and physically helped him insert the card.

She knew he was faking is ineptitude when he couldn’t even figure out how to put the nozzle in the gas tank. No one was that stupid, right? And his grinned widened when she had to put her arms around him to assist. It was cold, so that was why they stayed huddled together in that position, of course.

Why did she let these things happen? Why did she keep letting him tease and flirt with her? Soon, they would hit a point of no return and either their relationship would move forward to something more or completely fall apart. And she wasn’t ready to lose him.

Brienne stepped back, noticing a small flicker of sadness go trough Jaime’s eyes. He WAS just teasing when he was flirting with her, wasn’t he?

She was not good at reading these things.

“How do I put this back, wench, I can’t seem to figure it out?”

Brienne scowled at him and he just laughed. “I’m japing wench. Get back in the car, one of us should at least be warm. You start the car, so the heat will turn back on.”

When Jaime finally got back into the car, cold air was blasting. He removed his gloves and held his hands over the vent. “Thank the gods. I’m never going to forgive my brother for these winter festivities. You are very lucky you’re an only child.”

“Yeah, except for the part about being all alone.”

Jaime turned to look at her, all joking gone from his eyes. “You will never be alone, Brienne. Not as long as I’m breathing.”

Brienne’s breathe caught in her throat. How could he say stuff like that to her and not know what it meant?

“But…” She started to object, but he interrupted. “Never, Brienne.”

The two of them sat there for a moment, neither knowing what to do next. Finally, Jaime broke the moment’s awkwardness with the return of his goofy smile.

“Are you going to share that? My lips are so dry,” he said, pointing to the chapstick in her hand.

Brienne shook her head. “I just used the last of it, sorry.”

“You could share it with me in other ways,” Jaime replied with a wink.

Brienne didn’t know what made her do it. Maybe it was because of his sweet words a few minutes before. Maybe it was because she was tired of being in limbo.

Brienne called his bluff and leaned forward and shared her chapstick with him by kissing him fully on the lips.

Jaime was frozen by her actions but didn’t pull away. He didn’t respond either, so Brienne pulled back quickly.

Brienne did her best to not giggle at the dumbstruck look on Jaime’s face. She could not believe that she had been the one to render the notoriously verbose Jaime Lannister utterly speechless. Whether he liked what she did or not, he was in shock.

“Just drive, Jaime, we’re going to be late,” Brienne said softly, still amused. Jaime nodded dumbly, still not speaking, as he put the car in gear and drove out of gas station.

Was he angry along with his surprise? Had she ruined their friendship. Brienne looked out the window and traced where his soft lips had touched hers. She wanted to do it again, but she would not be the next one to make a move.

She just hoped the risk she had taken would be worth it.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! When it comes to chapstick, sharing is caring, my friends! What will happen next? Is Jaime too shocked to do anything about Brienne's boldness? Are these two idiots going to carry on with the UST or do something about it? Only time will tell. LOL I do still have a lot of prompts.


	17. Jaime vs. Ladies Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime tracks Brienne down at a bachelorette party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the couple of people who prompted "Jaime vs. Ladies night" - this may not be quite what you were looking for, but I hope you still like it! 
> 
> Enjoy the aftermath of THE KISS.

She kissed him. His best friend, his favorite person, the love of his life (he could fully admit that to himself now), Brienne Tarth had kissed him out of the blue in the car.

And now she had a half-naked man dancing in her lap.

It was Jaime’s own fault, he supposed. No, he knew. He had been in so much shock after her impulsive action in the car that he had not been able to respond for the rest of their ride to Winterfell. When they had gotten there, Sansa Stark had taken one look at Brienne and decided they would be friends. She insisted Brienne come to the bachelorette party, despite her many protests.

Jaime, as promised, had tried to intervene, but before he knew it – Brienne was being led from the room by a gaggle of women, her eyes pleading to him for a rescue.

He couldn’t get the image out of his mind, which is why they had tracked the girls down to the male stripper show.

“You know, Jaime, when you said you had an exciting place in mind to add some fun to my bachelor party, this wasn’t what I was expecting,” Tyrion murmured.

Jaime grinned.

“This IS exciting. Look – your fiancé is wearing a necklace with penises on it and is stuffing dollar bills in that guy’s thong.”

Tyrion’s eyes widened at Sansa’s actions, but he soon smiled as well. “You are right. Drunk Sansa is quite rare and most amusing. I should take some video of this to use in the future.”

Jaime pushed Tyrion’s phone down. “Let the bride have her fun. Poor lass has to put up with you the rest of her life.”

“Your lady love should be having fun, but she looks like she would like to run screaming from the building instead.” Tyrion nodded his head toward Brienne, who was getting a lap dance from one of the strippers. She was a bright shade of red, and she held her hands as far off the man as she could without dislocating her shoulders. “Are you sure she’s into men? I’m not so sure about that.”

Jaime grit his teeth at the image of the man gyrating over Brienne. “I’m sure, I’m very sure.” He swore under his breath when Brienne’s eyes took in the man’s chest. Did all his weeks of parading around the apartment mean nothing? She kissed him and was now ogling another man? This would not do, not at all.

Thoughts of rescuing her from the girl party because she hated these types of things were gone. Instead, he had to get her out of there to protect her maidenly virtue. Yep, that was it.

Jaime stormed up to Brienne and the dancing dunce and cleared his throat. Brienne looked up at him and he was rewarded by her turning a deeper shade of red. “Jaime! What are you doing here?”

They gyrating dancer did not even glance in his direction and continued his movements. Now that Jaime was closer, he could see that Brienne wanted the man off her. That gave him some relief.

“Can’t you go dance somewhere else,” he growled at the dancer.

The man shook his head. “I was paid handsomely to give her a lot of attention.”

Jaime looked over and saw Sansa and Tyrion giggling while watching them. Damn his brother and his fiancé, he wouldn't put it past Tyrion to come up with this scheme to make him jealous. Jaime pulled out his wallet, now was not the time to give into his new thrifty instincts. He had to save his best friend from her view of that naked chest. He handed the dancer all the cash he could find.

“Here,” he said as he shoved the money. “That should be enough to trump whatever they paid you. Go dance for someone else.”

Brienne looked a mix of relieved and annoyed.

“You didn’t have to rescue me,” she said with a scowl. “I can take care of myself.”

Jaime sighed. “I know you can, wench. But I did break my promise to you and you’re here under duress. It’s the least I could do.”

He looked over and saw that Tyrion, his groomsmen, Sansa, and all her bridesmaids were watching them. They might as well have pulled out some popcorn and enjoyed the show. “Can we go somewhere, to talk for a minute?”

Brienne looked at him with sad eyes that nearly broke his heart. “Now you want to talk to me?”

Jaime reached out and grabbed her hand. “Brienne, please?” She must have seen the sincerity in his eyes because she nodded and let him lead her outside the club. “I’m so sorry, wench.”

Brienne looked at the ground, but shrugged her shoulders. “I know you were mad at me about the kiss, but I never expected you to break your promise to me about keeping me out of this type of party. Guess I deserved it.”

Jaime lifted her chin so could look into the eyes he loved so much. “You think I was mad at you for the kiss?”

“Well, you didn’t say one word afterwards and then handed me into the pack of hens when we got here, so…yes. What else was I to think? I’m sorry, Jaime. I don’t know what came over me, you were just teasing me and I thought I would call your bluff.”

Jaime didn’t know what to process first from her ramble. Brienne was usually not one for many words, so to see her this nervous jarred him.

“My bluff? You thought I was bluffing?”

“Jaime, you asked me to share chapstick with you. With my lips. Of course, you were bluffing.”

“Nope.”

“What?”

“I said nope, I wasn’t bluffing. I wanted to kiss you. I’ve wanted to kiss you for a very long time.”

And before she could argue with him further, he proved his point by kissing her again. They way he should have done after her tentative kiss in the car. Jaime poured out all the feelings he had for Brienne into that kiss. She froze against him at first, but it only took a moment for her to melt into the him. She was inexperienced, but she followed his lead and they were lost in each other.

When they finally pulled apart, too soon in his opinion, she looked up at him with shock in her astonishing blue eyes.

“You wanted to kiss me?”

Jaime nodded. “Brienne, you’re my best friend, and I lo…”

He started his big confession that he had been building up to for months, almost since the moment she let his sorry ass move in with her when he was disowned. Brienne cut him off, though, with her hand over her mouth.

“Jaime, we have a lot to talk about, but I really don’t want to have this conversation outside of a male strip club.”

He remembered their surroundings and grinned. “I suppose you’re right. Do you want to go somewhere else?”

Brienne shook her head. “We need time to have this conversation as well, and we’re here to celebrate your brother and Sansa. Why don’t we make a promise that we will wait to talk about this when we get home?”

Jaime frowned. “But what if I want to kiss you again before then?”

“Jaime, no.”

“Wench, yes.”

Brienne sighed. “If you kiss me again, I’m not sure I can wait for that conversation.”

Jaime pouted, but nodded. “Fine, Brienne, I will keep my promise and wait.”

Brienne surprised him by leaning over and giving him a short, but sweet, kiss. “To tide you over,” she said, blushing.

“Wait, so you get to kiss me and I don’t get to kiss you? You don’t play fair, wench.”

“Let’s just say you owe me for the bachelorette party.”

Jaime couldn’t argue with that. He peered through the window to see his brother making out with his bride.

“Well, it looks like our problem is solved anyway. I don’t think we will be separating those two anytime soon. How do you feel about a co-ed party?”

Brienne laughed and nodded. “Sounds good to me, but you get to wear this as part of the payback.”

She slipped a penis necklace over his head. Jaime was going to object, but when she put her hand in his to lead him back inside, he forgot all his arguments and followed after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Next up is Jaime vs. Restless Leg Syndrome where we get all tropey with the bed sharing.


	18. Jaime vs. Restless Leg Syndrome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime and Brienne sharing a bed after their almost love confession causes some anxiety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some bed sharing trope to start out your week! 
> 
> Sorry for any typos. I wrote this very late at night and didn't send to a beta.
> 
> Special shout out to @ashwritesstuff for brainstorming some of this chapter with me.

If Jaime was trying to torture her, he was succeeding. Brienne thought fondly of her sword back home and how she would use it to significantly shorten one of her best friend’s legs if he kicked her again.

The rest of the bachelorette party had not been too painless. In fact, it had actually been fun once the men joined them. There was much drinking and laughing, and Brienne enjoyed hearing Tyrion tell stories of his shenanigans with Jaime in their youth.

Jaime kept to his word, not pressuring her to talk about their feelings until this trip was over. She was grateful, because it gave her time to recover from that kiss outside in the snow. She had kissed Jaime, and then he had kissed her. And his kiss had made her toes curl.

Brienne knew that he was about to tell her that he loved her. She wasn’t sure she was ready to hear those words yet. She loved him too, but those words would change EVERYTHING. They had been friends for so long, was it worth the risk?

Touching her fingers to her lips, she thought maybe it was.

And then Jaime kicked her again and she thought she might murder him, so it would be a moot point.

Tyrion and Sansa kept up their matchmaking ways by laughingly telling them that there wasn’t enough rooms for everyone, so she and Jaime would have to share. Brienne felt her face flush, but she was soon scowling, because Jaime was just giving a happy grin at the idea.

They were shown to a room with only one bed to sleep on. At least it was king’s size so both their large frames would fit. Brienne had taken her time in the bathroom, hoping the happily tipsy Jaime would doze off while she was out of the room.

No such luck though, because he was still smiling happily at her from the bed.

“This is great luck, wench, we can snuggle all night!”

She walked to the opposite side of the bed from Jaime and hurried under the covers. “I’m not going to snuggle you, Jaime.”

“Why not, we are practically dating!” He scooched closer to her.

Brienne scooched a few inches away. “But we aren’t dating yet, and you don’t even know if we will be.”

This earned her another smile, and another scooch closer. “I know we will. Don’t forget, Brienne, you kissed me first.”

“Something I’m starting to regret,” Brienne said as she moved away from him again. She was getting dangerously close to the edge.

Jaime’s face fell. “Really? You’re regretting it?” He actually moved back an inch, but Brienne reached out and grabbed his stump.

“No, Jaime, I was kidding. I don’t regret it, I’m just…”

“Scared?” Jaime finished for her.

Brienne nodded, figuring the truth was the best.

“Me too, Wench, but we will survive, we always do.” Jaime was inching closer to her again.

“Can we please continue this conversation when we are back in our own apartment and completely sober though?” She moved back a bit and started falling off the bed, but Jaime’s good hand reached out to pull her back.

“Okay, Brienne, I will keep my promise. But can I have a good night kiss since you are the only one allowed to give kisses right now?”

“Jaime…”

“Please, wench. Just to keep me warm in this cold northern bed?”

“You have a blanket.”

“Wench…”

“You aren’t going to shut up if I don’t, are you?” Brienne honestly didn’t know how long she could resist him either. It was a little chilly, and she had wanted to be held in his arms for a long time. But they had to talk first. Jaime grinned and shook his head at her. “Fine, but only if you promise to move to your side of the bed.”

Jaime sighed but agreed. Brienne leaned forward and placed her lips on his. She had planned on only a short peck, but when Jaime opened his mouth a bit, the kiss deepened. She savored the taste of him before forcing herself to pull away.

“Goodnight Jaime,” she said, turning her back to him.

And that’s when the tossing and turning began. “Jaime, will you lay still and go to sleep?”

“I’m sorry, but I’m having a hard time getting comfortable. I think I have restless leg syndrome.”

“That is when your legs are restless when you are actually asleep, you fool,” Brienne ground out. She needed some rest so she could drive them home in the morning. “Please Jaime, I need some sleep.”

Jaime sighed. “I will do my best. Goodnight, Brienne.”

True to his word, he stayed silent until she could hear his breathing slow. Jaime was finally asleep. Brienne grabbed her pillow and curled into it, hoping she could calm her own racing thoughts and sleep herself.

And then the kicking started. Jaime was sound asleep and thrashing his legs around. Maybe he really did have restless leg syndrome.

“Jaime. Jaime. JAIME, wake up!” She called to him, but he wouldn’t calm down. She wondered if he was having a nightmare of the accident that had cost him his hand.

 _Screw it_ , Brienne thought to herself, and she pulled Jaime into her, his back flush against her chest. She hooked her legs over his to keep them still. She loved that with their similar heights they could take turns being the big spoon and little spoon if they snuggled. And if they ended up together, she anticipated plenty of snuggles.

Jaime sighed happily in his sleep. “Love you, wench,” he murmured before he started to snore quietly. Brienne smiled. She knew that Jaime was probably planning some grand love declaration because he had a flare for dramatic, but those sweet words whispered in the dark that he probably wouldn’t remember would be what she cherished forever.

“I love you too,” she whispered before kissing his temple and drifting swiftly off to sleep herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it!


	19. Jaime vs. Road Rage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne really wants to get home and they are stuck in traffic. Jaime rightly assumes it's because they are supposed to have the talk about their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for whoever give me the road rage prompt.

“Come on you bloody bastard! Get out of my way!” Brienne shouted, honking her horn at the cars in front of her.

Jaime’s eyes widened, he had never seen his best friend so angry. “Easy, there, wench. Honking at them won’t make the traffic jam go away.”

“I just want to get home, and these stupid people don’t know how to drive,” Brienne complained, honking her horn again.

“Oh, eager to get home so we can have a certain conversation?” Jaime waggled his eyebrows, teasing her, but he was also eager to get there so they could talk about their relationship. He was keeping his vow not to speak about it until they reached their apartment, but it was difficult.

He had woken up being held in Brienne’s arms, and there was no place he would have rather been. Jaime hoped he would wake up in a similar fashion for the rest of his life.

Brienne had blushed shyly when they woke up, gone was the bold maiden who had kissed him the day before. He needed to get them home as soon as possible so he could talk to her before she ran from him completely. Jaime knew his best friend would scare easily, and he wanted a chance to convince her that they could work.

“I just didn’t get much sleep last night,” Brienne said after honking her horn several more times. “Someone kept kicking me.”

Jaime frowned. “Is that why you were spooning me this morning?”

“I wasn’t spooning you,” Brienne argued.

“Wench, you were wrapped around me like your life depended it.” That earned him a blush.

“It was the only way to get you to be still. I’m sorry you’re still having nightmares…about the accident,” Brienne said in a softer voice.

Jaime looked outside the car window, not wanting to see pity in those blue eyes he loved so much.

“I don’t have them as much as I used to. Thanks for being there for me. I’ve been known to fall off the bed from time to time,” Jaime said sadly. “It was nice to have someone to anchor me.”

Brienne reached across the seat and squeezed his hand, but quickly removed it when a car cut in front of them. She rolled down the window and shouted out angrily “you’re lucky I left my sword at home, asshole!”

Jaime laughed. “I can’t believe the noble Brienne Tarth is yelling swear words out her window. It’s really too bad I forgot to charge my phone, or I would have to record this.”

“You would do no such thing.” Brienne was back to scowling at him.

“I would too, and I would pull it out when you get high and mighty with me about my behavior,” he teased.

Brienne looked affronted. “I never get high and mighty.”

Jaime grinned and winked. “Yes, you do, every day. It’s one of the things I love about you.”

They both froze when he accidentally dropped the word “love” into the conversation. “Brienne…” Jaime started.

“You said it last night,” Brienne said quickly.

“What?”

“Last night, when I held you and you were falling back asleep, you said you loved me.”

She stared straight ahead, and Jaime knew he had to tread carefully. Or…he could throw caution to the wind.

“I do.”

“What?”

“Love you. As more than just my best friend.”

There was silence in the car. Gods, he wished she would just say something. The car in front of them inched forward a bit, so they were able to move. What if she wasn’t ready to hear his words? They would be stuck in awkward silence in this car forever.

“I love you too, Jaime,” Brienne said softly. Jaime’s heart beat faster, he had hoped, but hearing her say the words was surreal.

“So, does this mean you’re my girlfriend now?” he asked eagerly.

“Do you want me to be?”

“Gods, yes, Brienne. I want you to be my girlfriend, my love, my wife…” Jaime knew he was getting ahead of himself, but he couldn’t help it.

“Are you proposing to me before we’ve been on a first date?” Brienne laughed with her question, so his fears that he had gone too far were relieved.

“Wench, we’ve shared practically every evening together for the last year, what’s that if not dating?”

“Friendship,” Brienne countered as she honked at another driver and flipped them off.

“It’s been more than friendship for a while now, we just haven’t been able to admit it,” Jaime said.

Brienne sighed. “You’re probably right. I’ve loved you for a long time.”

Jaime leaned toward her, with a mischievous grin. Now this was getting interesting, he thought.

“How long?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said angrily.

“Wench…”

“Fine, since even before you’ve moved in. Probably since before your accident.”

Jaime blinked at her in surprise several times. So much time had been wasted.

“Do you think we can really do this, Jaime? Go from friendship to more? I don’t want to lose you,” Brienne said. Her voice was shaking.

“You will never lose me Brienne,” Jaime said. He wanted to pull her into his arms to kiss her and hold her, but they were stuck in the car and there was nothing he could do about it.

“Pull over Brienne,” he ground out.

“What? Why?”

Because I really want to kiss you right now and I don’t want you crashing the car,” Jaime said. Brienne blushed.

“Jaime, traffic is at a standstill,” she said, smiling.

“Are you flirting with me, my favorite maiden? This is what you’re going to do from now on, isn't it?” He laughed into her mouth as he pulled her in for a kiss.

They broke apart when they heard the sound of honking behind them, telling them it was time to inch the car forward again. This time, it was Jaime who rolled down his window. “Hey, hold your horses, can’t you see I’m wooing my wench here?”

Brienne grinned at him as he shouted at the driver behind him. “Pretty good, but you’re going to need more practice if you want to get to my level of road rage.”

Jaime laughed. “My own road warrior wench. Practice does make perfect,” he said before leaning in to steal another kiss when traffic stopped again.

He had plenty more opportunities to shout out the window, because they were too distracted by each other to notice each time when the car could move forward. It was the most enjoyable traffic jam either of them had endured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Traffic jam kisses! Love confessions! Woo hoo! 
> 
> Don't worry, just because they are together, it doesn't mean this story is over. I still have many more prompts.


	20. Jaime vs. The Buffet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime encounters all-you-can-eat dining. He leaves with a stomach ache.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy weekend! Hope you enjoy this! 
> 
> No beta for this story and it's like 1 a.m., so I'm sorry for any typos.

“The sign said Exit 62 – so only one more mile to go!” Jaime’s excitement was so overpowering, he was barely staying in his seat.

“I know, Jaime, we’ll get there,” Brienne told him. They had finally cleared the traffic jam, much to her chagrin because it meant considerably less kissing. But now they both were starving. Jaime had spotted a sign for an all-you-can-eat buffet and was intrigued.

“So, for 7.99 I can have all the food I want? No exceptions?”

“Provided you don’t leave the restaurant, yes,” Brienne explained.

“That is such a good deal, and I don’t even need a coupon! We have to go, wench.”

“The food in those places isn’t always the best.” But Brienne’s arguments were cut short when she saw the puppy dog look in Jaime’s eyes. She simply could not resist it. “Fine, we’ll go.”

A few minutes later, they pulled off the freeway and into the parking lot for the buffet. “How many plates of food do you think you can eat wench? I think I can out eat you, any day.”

Brienne laughed. “I think I could give you a run for your money, but we also have a couple more hours in the car before we get home. I don’t want to get a stomach ache.”

“Coward,” Jaime teased. They paid for their entrance to the buffet, and Jaime went from area to area, studying all the food choices. “I can’t believe all of this is only 7.99!”

Brienne grabbed a plate for each of them and handed one to him. “You aren’t going to eat it all.”

Jaime grinned. “Watch me, wench.”

He started going row by row, piling his plate with food. Brienne stuck to her favorites, but also loaded hers quite a bit since she was hungry.

She watched in awe as Jaime plowed through three full plates of food, and then went to examine the dessert area. He returned with a plate piled with cookies, brownies, pie, cake and ice cream.

“They have an ice cream machine, Brienne! Can you believe it!”

“There is no possible way that you can still eat all that after what you’ve just consumed.”

Jaime waggled his eyebrows. “Care to make a wager?”

“No! I’m not going to risk you having a heart attack because you never are able to back down from a challenge!”

Jaime shrugged and dove into his dessert plate. Her stomach hurt on his behalf as she saw him eat the entire thing, and she could tell the final few bites were painful.

“Now can we go?”

Jaime nodded, looking very ill. They settled their bill, and by the time they were out the door, Brienne had to help Jaime to the car.

“I can’t believe that we got banned for life from that restaurant,” she said as she plopped Jaime down in the front seat. He groaned and clutched his stomach.

“All you can eat, my ass. They mean all you can eat unless you eat three plates of entrees and a plateful of desserts. They said that I would put them out of business if I returned.” Despite his stomach pain, Jaime smiled with pride. “I definitely got my money’s worth.”

Brienne rolled her eyes at him as she drove the car back onto the freeway. “I’ve never been banned from anything. I’m a rule-follower.”

Jaime laughed. “I’m such a bad influence on you, wench.”

“Something like that.”

“Well, you’ve been a good influence on me. Old Jaime never would have eaten at such a restaurant. And look what I would have missed?”

“Gut problems?”

Jaime confirmed her assessment by groaning and doubling over again.

“Wench, you need to pull over at the next rest stop. I have to go to the bathroom.”

Brienne gave him a pitying look, holding in the urge to say something along the lines of “I told you so.” She found a gas station, and while Jaime was gone a long time in the bathroom, she filled up the tank and stopped inside to buy some antacids and ginger ale for him.

Jaime thanked her profusely when he emerged from the bathroom. He looked less pale.

“Feeling better?”

He nodded and smiled. “Still worth it.”

Brienne laughed at him, but looked at him curiously when he started pulling napkins out of his pockets.

“I almost forgot, wench. Not only did I eat all I could for lunch, but I got us some dinner!”

“Jaime, you can’t take food! That’s against the rules!”

He grinned. “My noble wench. I’m banned anyway, what’s the harm in breaking another rule or two? I got us some of those delicious rolls. And some fried chicken!”

Brienne did not want to know how he had smuggled the fried chicken out of the restaurants. She scowled at him.

“I’m not eating it,” she proclaimed.

“Oh really?” Jaime flipped open the napkin and the scent of the buttery rolls filled the car.

“Fine, I will have one roll, and that’s it. And not until much later tonight, after our stomachs recover.”

Jaime winked at her. “I’m sure we can find something to do to pass the time.”

Brienne laughed so hard, she almost had to pull the car over. “Jaime, I don’t think your stomach is going to be in any condition to be doing that any time soon.”

Jaime visibly paled.

“I didn’t even think of that. What have I done?”

Brienne patted his hand. “It’s okay, Jaime, we have plenty of time for that.”

Jaime nodded. “You’re right, wench. I want to make an honest woman of you first.”

“What?”

“Marriage, Brienne, I’m talking about marriage.”

She frowned at him. “That’s the second time today you’ve kind of proposed to me. We haven’t even gone on our first date yet.”

Jaime shook his head. “We just went out to eat. First date accomplished.”

Brienne sighed. “You’re just going to keep asking me until I say yes, aren’t you?”

He shrugged. “What can I say? When you know, you know. I will ask you every day, multiple times until you agree.”

Brienne rolled her eyes at him. “It’s way too soon”

Jaime grabbed her hand and kissed it. The warmth of his breath on her skin sent shivers down her spine. “I’ll wait.”

Brienne wanted to throw caution to the wind and shout “yes, I will marry you,” but she knew this next level of their relationship was new and fragile. They needed time to navigate the world they had entered into together.

The romance of the moment was interrupted when Jaime’s stomach gurgled loudly. Brienne giggled as he popped another antacid and took a swig of ginger ale. The remaining two hours home would probably seem like an eternity to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!


	21. Jaime vs. Morning Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime wakes up holding his favorite wench, but he needs to fix one thing before he can kiss her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, just a quick chapter because I feel bad that I haven't updated this in a long time due to writing my soulmate fic. Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Also I apologize for any errors. I wrote this late at night after a long day at a comic book convention!

Jaime hadn’t woken up so pleasantly in a long time. He was wrapped around Brienne, and he planned to wake up the same way for the rest of his life.

She snored a little in her sleep, and it was adorable how her mouth hung open. Morning wood was not something unfamiliar to Jaime, but it was doubly so when his girlfriend’s body was pressed into him.

Girlfriend. He loved calling her that now. She was still his best friend, but he got to kiss her more. And last night after they arrived home from their trip up North, they had done much more than kissing. He was so glad his stomach recovered in time to make love to his wench.

They had barely made it to the bedroom, stripping their way through the apartment and to the bed. It was everything he hoped and dreamed and more. Jaime thought she felt the same, but he planned to pester that confession out of her this morning.

Thinking about last night made his…situation a bit more difficult. Also, he needed to pee. But he didn’t want to move and wake Brienne up. The downside of having a girlfriend as tall and strong as her was she was like a dead weight on his arm.

If he woke her, she would be privy to one of his flaws – terrible morning breath. Since they had started living together, he had rushed to the bathroom to brush his teeth and use mouthwash before greeting her each day. But now that they shared a bed, it would be trickier.

Jaime slowly eased himself out from under her. Brienne let out a little snort but gave no indication that she was waking. He tiptoed across the room, smiling. Maybe when he got back from freshening his breath, Brienne could help with his morning wood problem.

The thought distracted him too much, because he tripped on his pants that she had torn off him and thrown on the floor last night. Jaime fell spectacularly, flying up into the air and landing naked on the floor with a thud.

Brienne, of course, woke up at the sound. “Jaime! Are you all right?”

Jaime started laughing at his situation. “I’m alright, wench. I just felled myself on the way to the bathroom.”

Brienne started climbing out of bed. “Here, let me help you.”

Jaime scooched away from her. “No! I’ve got it. Don’t come near me!”

She looked shocked at his words. “Did I do something wrong last night? I thought you enjoyed…”

Jaime banged his hand on his forehead. He should have known she would jump to that conclusion. “Gods, no, Brienne. It was glorious, and I plan to do it again very soon.”

Brienne blushed at his words. “So why don’t you want me to help you?”

He hung his head, there was no hope for it. “I have terrible morning breath and I was trying to fix it before I woke you up with my lips.”

This time, it was Brienne’s turn to laugh. “Morning breath?”

He nodded. She laughed more.

“Jaime, after last night and how intimate we were with each other’s bodies do you really think a little morning breath is going to scare me away?”

She did have a point. His mouth was all over her last night.

Brienne got down on the ground and crawled toward him. “Idiot,” she said before kissing him on the lips before he could protest.

He deepened the kiss before pulling her on top of him. She laughed into his mouth when he did. “Great, wench, now you can help me take care of my other problem.”

Brienne gasped when she felt him press his morning wood up against her, then smiled at him. “Okay, but only if you promise not to run away in the morning to brush your teeth ever again. It seems hazardous to your health.”

Jaime grinned. “Agreed,” he said before pulling her in to kiss him again.

They didn’t make it to the bed this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope no one is disappointed that I didn't give detailed smut. It is not really my thing, reading it yes, but writing it myself, not so much. I'm rubbish at it. 
> 
> Despite that, I hope you enjoyed!


	22. Jaime vs. Cleaning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime needs to clean the apartment to get ready for a visit from Brienne's father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, sorry it's been so long since I updated this. I was away on a long road trip for a bit because of a family emergency and didn't get much writing done.
> 
> This one is for all the various Jaime vs. cleaning prompts I received, along with my contribution to Jaime Awkward Boner June. I'm so mean to Jaime sometimes. 
> 
> No beta on this, so I apologize in advance for any spelling errors or typos because my kids are home on summer vacation. LOL

Jaime surveyed their messy apartment in dismay. He had no cleaning skills whatsoever, but he had to impress his wench…and her father.

They had dumped everything in the living room when they arrived back from their road trip, still living out of their suitcases because they were too enamored with their new relationship to spend time cleaning or unpacking. And now it was an awful mess.

And Brienne had gotten a call from her father this morning that he was in town for a conference and would be stopping by tonight for a visit. Brienne had to return to work this morning, but the university was on a break, so Jaime had the day off. It was up to him to make the place presentable for Selwyn Tarth’s visit.

Jaime needed to make a good impression on the man he hoped would someday be his goodfather. While Brienne thought he was japing when asking her every day to marry him, he was serious. And he knew one day she would say yes, so it was very important to get Selwyn Tarth’s approval as the future husband of his only daughter.

Jaime started with gathering up all the laundry that was strewn across the floor to sort before putting it into the washing machine, remembering his wench’s lessons about organizing everything by color. He smirked at the site of underwear that had landed in various places around their apartment as they were in a hurry to make love many times over the weekend.

The thought of their time together as an official couple made Jaime miss his wench. He wished the day would move by faster.

Next, Jaime tackled the dishes. He scowled as he had to use more soap than necessary to get them clean. He may have gotten a really good deal with a coupon on this soap, but he was slowly learning that sometimes you get what you pay for. He smiled, knowing that he had found a coupon for the higher quality brand when they next purchased supplies.

After vacuuming and straightening up the rest of the house, he knew it was time to clean the bathroom. He was nervous because he hadn’t done it before, but it shouldn’t be too hard. He sprayed down the sink, toilet and shower with the bleach solution he found under the sink.

Jaime looked down and cursed when he saw that some had gotten on his clothes, and white spots were appearing. This would not do. He didn’t want to ruin any more clothing. It would be best to do this job in the nude, he thought. That way, once he had the shower clean, he could just get in and rinse it off with the spray and not worry about getting his clothes wet.

This was a good plan.

Scrubbing the shower, Jaime thoughts couldn’t help but stray to the time he and Brienne had spent making love in there last night. Unfortunately, thinking about it had put him in an uncomfortable position. He willed his boner to retreat, but alas, once he got started thinking about making love to Brienne there was no hope for him.

He hurried out of the shower and rushed to the bedroom to get dressed, knowing Brienne would be arriving home any minute. Seeing the unmade bed and smelling the scents the two of them had created together did not do anything to help his situation. He had better throw the sheets in the washer before her father arrived.

Jaime gathered them up and thought he should toss them in before getting dressed. He hurried to the living room, the large load in his arms covering up his face.

“Jaime?” he heard Brienne squeak as he entered the room. He peeked over the laundry bundle to see her and Selwyn Tarth standing in the living room staring at him with wide eyes.

“Oh hells,” he murmured. Butt naked, raging boner and carrying sex sheets was not the impression he wanted to make on the man he hoped would give him his blessing to wed Brienne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor, poor Jaime. Hope you enjoyed his suffering.


	23. Jaime vs. Selwyn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime has to have dinner with Brienne and the man he hopes will be his goodfather one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey there, I just realized I hadn't updated this fic in about a month and a half. And I left poor Jaime standing naked with a boner in front of Brienne and Selwyn. LOL Well, here you go with the follow up to that awkwardness. 
> 
> Warning: I'm in a emotional mood this weekend so there is so much fluff ahead.

Silence.

Not exactly what Brienne had been expecting for her first dinner together with her father and her boyfriend.

Selwyn Tarth was usually a jovial fellow, and always had a joke to share or a story to tell. But at this moment, he was silently cutting his steak, a task that was for some reason taking much longer than usual.

Jaime normally could never keep his mouth shut, always having something snarky to say in every situation, was sullen and silent. And he was looking everywhere around the restaurant but at them, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

The two of them had said barely a word since Brienne and her father had walked into the apartment to find Jaime standing naked in the middle of the living room, his boner on display for all of them to see.

Brienne, the one who was normally the quiet one, felt the need to fill the awkward silence at dinner.

“So, Dad, did you know that Jaime is a professor now?”

Her father just grunted in response while Jaime didn’t even seem to notice she was talking since he was fascinated by a chandelier on the other side of the restaurant.

“How have things been going on the island? Any big news or anything?”

Again, nothing.

“Anyone want some bread? It’s tasty, even though the outside is stiff. I mean hard. I mean crispy.” Brienne quickly shut her mouth by stuffing a piece of bread into it. Jaime turned beet red, and her father gritted his teeth.

Brienne was perplexed, because Jaime was never the type to be embarrassed. Why was he so shaken by what had happened?

“As you may have guessed, Jaime and I are dating now,” Brienne said once she finished her bread.

“So, I gathered,” her father said, narrowing his eyes at her boyfriend, who looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there.

Well, this was going nowhere, she thought. Clearly the best way out of this dinner was through it. The faster they finished, the faster they could be out of here and she could have words alone with both the important men in her life.

Determined to speed things along, she started eating her chicken quickly. Too quickly, because she accidentally swallowed a bone and started choking. Jaime started hitting her back until she spit it out.

“Are you okay?” he asked. Apparently, only concern over her near-death experience could bring him to speak tonight.

“Yes, I just swallowed a boner…I mean bone. Bone, I meant bone,” Brienne said quickly. Jaime closed his eyes as if he was in agony before sitting back down.

“Dammit, wench,” he whispered.

For Selwyn, the concern over her welfare was quickly replaced with anger at her words. He slammed his fork and knife down on his plate, crossed his arms and glared at Jaime.

This was getting ridiculous, and while the conversation was sure to be awkward and not one she wanted to have, it was going to be necessary.

“So, Jaime was naked. In the apartment. That we live in together. And sometimes we have sex.” Brienne started.

Two sets of eyes focused on her.

“Sometimes? Try all the time, Brienne. We have sex all the time,” Jaime said in a defensive tone, seeming to forget his embarrassment.

Brienne blushed at his words, but was also happy that the Jaime she knew was back.

“Brienne, I don’t need to hear about your sex life. You never used to talk about such things!” Selwyn protested.

Brienne shrugged. “I never had much of the occasion to.”

“Still, you were always such a proper lady until this…”

Brienne opened her mouth to defend Jaime, but he squeezed her hand to stop her.

“Mr. Tarth, I know that we got off on the wrong, er, foot, but I can assure you that I have nothing but the noblest intentions when it comes to your daughter,” Jaime said.

Selwyn narrowed his eyes again. “It didn’t look like that from where I was standing.”

“I’m a grown woman, father, and my choices are mine to make,” Brienne started, but Jaime squeezed her hand again.

“Sir, I’ve been trying to get your daughter to agree to marry me for a while now,” Jaime started.

“You have?” Brienne and Selwyn asked simultaneously.

Jaime looked at her in surprise. “Wench, I’ve been asking you nearly every day since we got together.”

Brienne could not even process what was happening right now, because her father turned to her too, a questioning look in his eyes. NOW they were on the same side?

“I thought you were joking! Or at least not serious about it yet,” Brienne said. “You’re always japing with me.”

Selwyn cleared his throat. “Sweetling, men don’t joke about proposals.”

“Jaime would,” she argued. “And why are you even arguing about this. I thought you didn’t like him!”

Her father chuckled. “That was when I just thought you were shacking up together. Now I know he’s serious and is going to give me grandbabies. I’m on Team Jaime.”

“Thank you, sir,” Jaime said.

Brienne looked back and forth between the two men, who were now apparently looking forward to being related. “What is even happening right now?”

Jaime reached and pulled a small box out of his pocket. “I’m saying that I would love to marry you, wench, if you’ll have me. I was going to ask your father’s blessing before the…thing happened.”

Brienne opened the box and saw the ring. “How did you have this in your pocket?”

“It’s my mother’s ring. I’ve carried it around since I started asking you, hoping you would say yes. So, what do you say, Brienne? This isn’t the most romantic of settings, but will you marry me?”

This was not how she expected the evening to go after they had walked in on a naked Jaime earlier. Was it too soon for them to be engaged? They had been friends for so long, even if they hadn’t been dating. People would think it was too soon.

But.

Spending the rest of her life with Jaime was very much what she wanted. Who cares what people would think?

“Yes, Jaime, I will marry you,” she whispered. He leaned forward and kissed her, in front of her father and the whole restaurant.

Selwyn hugged her and clapped excitedly. “Now, we need to set a date, so we can start planning.”

Brienne groaned. Wedding planning sounded like her worst nightmare. Jaime patted her on the hand.

“Don’t worry, wench. I will join all the budget wedding planning forums and get us some ideas to find the best deals,” Jaime said.

Brienne just burst out laughing. Even now that he was gainfully employed, Jaime had never given up his couponing ways.

“Thrifty, are you, son?” Selwyn asked with interest.

Brienne happily munched on the rest of her dinner while her fiancée waxed poetic about the weekly coupons to his future goodfather.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. This fic is far from over. Next up - Jaime vs. the landlord. I promise it won't be so long this time before I post again.


	24. Jaime vs. the Landlord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime is ready to move...good thing they now are required to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, but here is another update. I'm working on a canon-era fic so this was a lovely little brain break. Many thanks to Renee561 for word sprinting with me. :) 
> 
> Sorry for any typos, I didn't have anyone beta this.

Jaime looked down at the eviction notice with a grimace. Brienne was not going to take this well. Sure, they had been talking about finding another place to live, but she didn’t like when things happened suddenly like this. You had to ease Brienne into ideas.

Really, this had been coming for a while now. Jaime and their landlord, Petyr Baelish, had never been on the best of terms.

First there was all the complaints he made about the neighbor’s yappy dog Tormund. Then, there was the incident when he brought in all the bugs through the used furniture he picked up from the street. Baelish had to pay a pretty penny to get the exterminators to come out. And when they did, they found other infestations that WERE NOT caused by Jaime, so he felt a little vindicated. Baelish was angry about it because it cost him even more.

Things breaking around the apartment was one of the reasons Jaime was always trying to convince Brienne they needed to move. The door to the bathroom would always stick. One time his wench was locked in there for hours before he came home from work.

The garbage disposal broke on a weekly basis, and they were always having to call maintenance to repair electric or plumbing issues.

“If this was our own house, wench, I could fix it all myself and we wouldn’t have to wait on Baelish. And we could do it right, rather than cheaply, so it wouldn’t keep breaking,” Jaime complained after their fifth call to the maintenance department in a month.

“Jaime, you don’t know how to fix anything,” Brienne pointed out.

“Well, I could try, and it would be fun to learn. But because we don’t own the place, I’m not even allowed to try.” Jaime gave her his best whining face, hoping it would convince her to see things his way.

“That might be even more trouble than it’s worth,” Brienne said with a laugh. “Besides, I like this place, it has character.”

Jaime snuggled up to her, now trying to use seduction to get his way. “Wench, you know wherever I live will have character. And I promise you, if I can’t figure out how to fix something on my own, I will pay to get it done, the right way.”

Brienne laughed at him. “Jaime, you are the biggest cheapskate on the planet. There is no way you will let a contractor get away with those prices they charge!”

Jaime held up his hand as if making a vow. “I promise, when it comes to our home and your safety, I will not go with the cheapest option. I make you this oath.”

His seriousness had her in a fit of giggles, but she still would not go house hunting with him. But now it seemed they would have no choice.

The day had started out well enough, with him snuggling Brienne in bed, something he hoped he would never get tired of. She had to leave early for work, but he didn’t have a class to teach until later so he stayed in bed and enjoyed the extra sleep after she left. He got up, did chores, making sure to separate the laundry properly this time.

He stepped out of the apartment to take out the trash and his day went downhill from there. He felt a drip on his shoulder.

Drip. Another one, then another.

He looked up and saw that the wet spot on the ceiling in the hall outside their apartment was almost flooded through again. They had reported it and it had gotten repaired about 7 times now, but the wet spot kept coming back. No one could figure out where it was coming from and why it kept spreading.

Jaime frowned up at it for a moment and was taken completely by surprise when the ceiling opened up and he was covered in drywall and old dirty water. He dropped the trash where it was and ran back inside to the bathroom to turn on the shower and be close to the toilet in case he was going to throw up from the smell.

When he went to turn on the shower, the handle broke off and the only thing he could get working was the cold water. After his freezing shower, which is even less tolerable when you are not trying to banish thoughts of your sexy wench, he tried to exit the bathroom, but the door was stuck and he had to kick it open. It bounced back and banged him in the nose, causing it to bleed.

He had to take a second cold shower to clean off all the blood.

When he finally got dressed, he was ready to rip Baelish to shreds. This place was ridiculous, and he wasn’t going to take it anymore.

Jaime marched down to the office and gave the landlord a piece of his mind. The landlord just laughed him off, but told him he was going to have to pay for damages to the bathroom door he had kicked in.

“Oh no, what did you do then, Jaime? Do I even want to know?” Brienne groaned when she found the eviction notice on the counter after she came home, and he told her the entire story.

“I did what any sane man would do, wench. I went outside, filled a bucket halfway with dirt and the other half with water, grabbed some drywall from the floor upstairs, then I marched back down and dumped the water on him. And then I threw the drywall at him. And also, maybe I went in and broke his hot water handle on his shower on purpose.”

Brienne covered her face with her hands. “Oh Jaime, you are so lucky he didn’t call the cops on you.”

Jaime laughed. “Well, he threatened to, but I said that while he was doing that, I would be calling the Department of Health and Safety to come inspect the apartment building. He met me in the middle and just gave me an eviction notice.”

Brienne sighed. “Well, I suppose you got what you’ve been asking for since we first got together.”

“I’m sorry, Brienne, I didn’t want it to be this way,” Jaime said, hanging his head in regret. “Maybe I can talk Baelish into letting you stay while I leave and find a place. You can move out when you’re ready.”

Brienne crossed the room to him. “Jaime Lannister, you have got to be insane if you think I would rather live in this crappy apartment than anywhere with you.”

Jaime smiled and kissed his wench. When he pulled back, he gave her his best smirk. “You know that I’m going to go with a fixer-upper though, right Brienne? Think of the deal we can get!”

Brienne groaned. “Oh no, what have I gotten myself into?”

“Hey, I watch HGTV. I hope I get to use a sledgehammer on something.” Jaime was bouncing around with glee at the idea. “And I can learn how to sand things, and put in tile, and electrical.”

Brienne put her hands up in protest. “Hold on a minute, I will maybe consider a fixer-upper if you promise me one thing. All electrical and plumbing work will be done by professionals. The last thing we need is for you to get electrocuted.”

Jaime promised her whole heartedly and then raced to the computer to start looking for homes.

“We may have to find a short-term rental until we can find something we want to buy, Jaime,” Brienne explained.

He scowled at that idea. “Ugh, I don’t want to deal with anymore landlords. Maybe we should just start looking today. I will call my realtor friend. Oh! Maybe we can be on Westeros House Hunters!”

“Absolutely not, I do not want to be on television. Ever.” Brienne shuddered at the idea.

“Come on wench, you will look amazing. Especially standing next to me,” Jaime teased. She threw a shoe at him, and he was not surprised when it got stuck in the cheap drywall behind him.

“Yeah, it really is time to move,” Brienne finally agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! I'm sure Jaime will be versus many things now that they are going on this new adventure in homebuying and ownership. LOL


	25. Jaime vs. House Hunting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime and Brienne start their quest for a new home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Tuesday! Have some house hunting fun! Thanks to everyone who continues to support this fic.

Brienne wanted to bang her head on the wall of the very lovely four-bedroom ranch home they were currently touring.

The house was nice, but unfortunately her fiancé was yet again naming everything he found wrong with it.

“Do you think four bedrooms is enough, wench? I mean, we are probably going to have a lot of kids, with the rate we go at it. And we also need a room for each of us to have an office,” he said out loud. In front of their realtor. Brienne could feel her face turn a bright shade of red as he talked about the frequency of their sex life in front of the woman.

It was bad enough the realtor had been ogling Jaime since they first met. But now the woman wanted to strangle him, and Brienne was next in line.

Their house hunt had started pleasantly enough at first, although she and Jaime had different definitions of “move in ready.” She wanted something they could move into that had things like plumbing and electricity. Jaime seemed to think those were non-essentials and he could get to work right away on them once they purchased the house.

“But Jaime, we have to be out of our apartment in less than a month,” she had reminded him (and that was three weeks ago).

“It will be fine, Brienne, where is your sense of adventure? This will be our forever home, we don’t want to rush it. And we are not going to be duped into something with shoddy work. It would be better to do the work ourselves, and we will save a lot of money that way,” Jaime explained.

Brienne tried to tell him that purchasing a house was not the time to be focusing on getting the cheapest option, but he had watched too much home improvement television to be swayed. She was doomed.

And thus began their great house hunting battle. For every house that Brienne loved, Jaime hated. And for every house that Jaime loved, Brienne wanted to wear a hazmat suit in.

This was getting hopeless, and their realtor was getting frustrated. She had already showed them nearly 20 homes. Brienne was starting to give up hope, and they needed to close on something immediately because their lease was running out.

“This is the day, wench, I’m sure of it,” Jaime said cheerfully as they walked to the car that bright Saturday morning. They planned to view as many houses as possible in one day, and Jeyne had promised they would not stop until they had found their home. Brienne was doubtful, but she was happy that Jaime still seemed to be in a good mood about the whole process.

She knew this was hard on him, as growing up he had always been expected to live in the Lannister family home when he grew up and got married.

But despite the fact that he could no longer live in his family home, he seemed to be taking a lot of joy in finding a home with her. If not in the homes they were shown themselves.

“Nope, I don’t like this one. Not enough windows or light,” he complained.

“That’s what lamps are for, Jaime.” Brienne rolled her eyes at him. To be honest, she didn’t care what home they lived in at this point, just that they had one.

“Nope, I need just the right lighting to make love to you in every room,” Jaime said matter-of-factly. "I need to see those gorgeous blue eyes filled with passion."

“Jaime!”

Honestly, the man was determined to embarrass her at every stop they made today. Their realtor, Jeyne just giggled discreetly behind her hand.

The next home was a spacious house, with plenty of room for future children that Jaime seemed intent on having, and it had working electricity and really there were no improvements that needed to be made.

It was perfect.

“Too perfect, if you ask me,” Jaime said. “I’m sure we’d move in and then find mold in the walls or something.”

When they got in the car, they waited for Jeyne to lock up the house.

“Jaime, we have seen so many houses, why can’t you pick one?”

“I don’t know. None of them feel right.”

“Is it because none of them are Casterly Rock?” She asked, hoping they could finally broach that subject and get it over with.

Jaime scoffed at her suggestion. “Gods no, I wouldn’t want to live there. Or bring the woman I love into that old house. I hated growing up there. Terrible memories. Not the home for us.”

“Well then, what is it?”

“I honestly can’t tell you, Brienne. I know when I see it. And you will too,” he told her in a tone that was begging her to understand

“And you didn’t get ‘that feeling’ in the more than 20 other homes we have looked at?”

Jaime shook his head, and he looked so adorably certain that she couldn’t stay mad at him for long. “Okay, we will look at the rest on the list today, but if you don’t find the one that moves you, I’m going to have to pick one of the one we’ve seen. We are going to be homeless soon, Jaime.”

“Deal, I promise, we will find one today,” Jaime said.

But that promise was easier said than done.

“Too demolished,” Brienne said of the next house, even though Jaime was raving about his plans to rebuild all the walls.

“Too bland,” Jaime said of the house in the suburb, dragging Brienne out from the cute table in the breakfast nook that she could actually fit her knees under.

“Too much money,” they told Jeyne at the mansion she showed them, hoping Jaime had been lying about not having access to his Lannister wealth anymore.

There was one more house on the list, and neither of them were very hopeful at the point. “Let’s just look at it and get it over with,” Brienne said with a groan from the backseat.

They had been driving around all day, and she barely knew where they were anymore. When she stepped out of the car, she could hear the ocean and smell the salt in the air. Near the beach? That wasn’t possible in their price range, was it?

“Now this place is a little rundown, but I think it will have a lot of the things you are looking for. It needs so much work. The previous owner’s husband built it for his wife, so she could be near the ocean because it reminded her of her home,” Jeyne said. “They lived in it for more than 70 years together until they died only a month apart earlier this year.”

“That’s…” Brienne couldn’t put into words how that story made her feel. It was sweet and romantic, and gave her wistful butterflies in her stomach.

“It’s wonderful,” Jaime said. “My true love also comes from a place near the sea, so this would probably remind her of home.”

Brienne reached for Jaime’s hand and squeezed it, and they walked up the steps of the house together. It had a wraparound porch, and from the backside of the house there was a beautiful view of the ocean, with steps going down the hill from their deck to the beach.

“Now I know it is quite a drive from the city, and the elderly couple did not repair or redecorate this home in probably 20 years, but this has so much potential,” Jeyne said. “And you will not find oceanside property at this price.”

Brienne wanted to say they would take it, and she could tell by the excited gleam in Jaime’s eyes that he wanted to as well, but they should probably look at the inside first.

When they walked in, the house was filled with beautiful woodwork. It was obvious that it had been crafted with love. The hardwood floors were lovely, if not a little worn. The kitchen was horrendously outdated, and the plumbing and electricity systems needed a complete overhaul. But they worked fine enough so that they could move in.

The downstairs had two “his and hers” dens, side by side, so they could have their own space but still not be too far from each other when they needed to work from home. Plenty of bedrooms upstairs, although the wallpaper in some of them made Brienne dizzy.

“I don’t think we can make love in here until we fix that,” Jaime said, pointing to one design that had cherubs on it that looked slightly possessed.

Brienne laughed, and they wandered through the rest of the upstairs, Jeyne discreetly went to the bottom floor to give them some space to discuss the home.

“Jaime, this is it, this is our home,” Brienne said, leaping into his arms.

“Oof, wench, give a guy some warning,” he teased. “But I happen to agree. This is the feeling I’ve been waiting for.”

Brienne kissed him. “It’s livable enough for me, but there are plenty of projects to keep you busy for a long time. And it’s by the ocean.”

“We can live here for 70 years ourselves, with all those kids we’re going to have.” He started going from room to room, naming their children and deciding where each would live.

“And this is our room, Brienne! Come in and christen it with me! Let’s start on making those kids!”

“We don’t own the house yet, Jaime, we can’t have sex here!”

“Jeyne will think we’re arguing about what to buy. Come on we’ll be quick,” he begged, pulling her in for a passionate kiss.

“There’s not even a bed, Jaime,” she pointed out when she finally came up for air.

“Yeah, but there are plenty of walls.” He waggled his eyebrows at her, and Brienne laughed as he guided her to the closest wall. Her laughter died out when he kissed her passionately again.

Downstairs, Jeyne could hear the laughter and then other…noises coming from the floor above. She smiled and decided it would be best to not check on them for a while. Finally, Jaime Lannister was happy with a home, and she didn’t want to mess with that. If she had any luck, by the end of the day this would all finally be over.

She pulled up the contact information for the broker on the house and sent him a message that there was a potential buyer. Jeyne nearly threw her laptop across the room when he messaged her back immediately and said someone else was interested as well. Lannister and Tarth would have to be in a bidding war if they wanted the property.

And judging from the noises upstairs, they were already claiming this home as their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True story: My husband and I looked at probably the same amount of houses as Jaime and Brienne, but it was mostly because every time we would find one in our price range, we would get outbid! Finally we found our home, though. :)


	26. Jaime vs. The Bidding War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime tries to get them the house of their dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! Sorry this fic has no regular posting schedule. I just add to it whenever the mood inspires.

“Well then, raise our bid by $10,000!” Jaime yelled into the phone before hanging up. Always a thrifty shopper, it irked him every time he had to go up in price while trying to get the home that he and Brienne both thought was perfect for them.

Someone else seemed to want it just as much as they did, and they seemed to have a large bank account because they were showing no signs of stopping.

“Jaime, just pick out something else, it will be fine,” Brienne tried to argue, but he knew she loved the house as much as he did. Besides, they had already christened the bedroom and they needed to their bed in their soon, so they could make their home official.

“No, wench, that is our house and I will not stop until I’m carrying you over the threshold,” he told her.

“Jaime, I’m far to big for you to carry,” Brienne said with a laugh, but Jaime assured her that he was indeed strong enough for the job.

“Do you know who the other bidder is?” Jaime asked his realtor daily, but Jeyne said that the other agent had kept that information confidential.

“It keeps things from getting heated in the personal life, rather than just business,” she told him. As if Jaime would stalk this other buyer down and intimidate them.

“I want to stalk this other buyer down and intimidate them,” Jaime told Bronn the very next day. “And the realtors are keeping too tight lipped about it.

“Do you want me to do some snooping?” his friend asked. “I have connections.”

Jaime agreed and waited anxiously for news. He started researching pranks to play on whoever the poor soul was who wanted to buy his and Brienne's house. But when he finally learned the name of the other bidder, a chill filled his bones.

“Does the other bidder know who I am?” he called Jeyne to ask. She told him that it should be private information, but Jaime knew that the man in question had resources enough to figure it out quickly just as he had.

“Brienne, I’m sorry, we cannot have the house by the beach,” Jaime told her sadly that night. His fiancé, being ever the most perceptive when it came to him, knew that he needed to be snuggled immediately.

“What happened to you not resting until it was yours?” she asked gently.

“I found out who the other bidder is.” Jaime buried his head in her chest, trying to avoid any further conversation.

“And?”

“It’s my father. The great Tywin Lannister. I’m sure he was just buying it at first as an investment property, but now that he knows it’s me, he keeps just bidding out of spite,” Jaime complained.

Brienne sighed, they had carefully avoided conversations about the falling out between Tywin and Jaime because she knew that it was very hurtful to him, but he could not avoid it forever.

“Maybe this would be a good opportunity to talk to him. He doesn’t even know you’re engaged, does he?"

Jaime shook his head. “No, and I wasn’t planning on telling him, or inviting him to the wedding.”

“Jaime, I know he’s an asshole, and he said terrible things about you and your brother. And he cut you off from your family fortune, but maybe when he sees the life you made for yourself on your own, he will be proud.”

Jaime thought about what she said. His last fight with his father had been a doozy. Tywin had demanded he work more hours at the family company, and also gave him a timeline to get married or he would be disinherited. Jaime had said he would save them all time and just leave then.

“I don’t want to give him the satisfaction. He wanted me to get married and here I am, getting married,” Jaime whined.

“Okay, I’m not going to pressure you. We’ll start house hunting again next weekend.” Brienne comforted him by rubbing his back until he fell asleep.

The next morning, her words had given him an idea though. Maybe he could use Tywin’s hopes and dreams for the future against him in this bidding war. But he would need help. He grabbed the phone and dialed his future goodfather.

A few hours later, he got a call from Jeyne. “A new bidder has entered the race for your house. And he bid higher than the other one. They are really going at it now. I’m sorry, Jaime, I think it’s going to get too steep for you.”

Jaime grinned. His plan was working. “That’s alright. Call me if any of the bidding falls through.”

“Doubtful, but okay.”

The next morning, he did indeed get a call from Jeyne saying that both bidders had dropped out and he could re-enter his bid at the original price.

“This is the strangest thing that has ever happened in my history in realty,” Jeyne said. “All it took was a strange bid at the end there, and the other one dropped out.”

“What was the strange bid?”

“There was a note below the bid to send a message to the other bidder. All the message said was, ‘dammit, I just want this for my grandbabies, even if their last name has to be Lannister.’ And within ten minutes, the bidding was dropped,” Jeyne explained.

Jaime laughed, and instructed the woman to resubmit their lower bid for the home. He called Brienne to tell her the happy news, but his joy was short lived when he opened the door when he heard a knock.

And Tywin Lannister was standing there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it. Selwyn to the rescue on the house. And gasp - a slight cliffhanger. Jaime vs. Tywin next, I'm guessing. :)


	27. Jaime vs. Tywin Lannister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime finally has a long overdue talk with his father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, the neverending story his back with another chapter. Sorry I left everyone hanging with Tywin at the door there. LOL 
> 
> No beta so I apologize for any errors.

Tywin Lannister stood in the doorway, and Jaime didn’t know what to do about it.

“Well, son, aren’t you going to invite me in?”

Jaime reluctantly stepped aside to let the patriarch in, and the man’s eagle eyes started devouring everything about the environment. The mismatched furniture. Jaime’s coupon book spread out on the table, half clipped coupon pages from this morning’s newspaper spread out all over the table as well. Dirty dishes in the sink. His half-eaten bowl of cereal on the counter. Clothes were strewn around the floor from when he and Brienne had ripped them off each other last night on their way to the bedroom.

It was not the kind of environment Tywin was used too, and he looked so out of place in their apartment.

“Jaime, I think I raised you better than to let a guest just stand in the middle of the apartment with no greeting or anything,” his father said.

Jaime scoffed at this. He didn’t think there was any childhood raising that could have prepared him for this moment.

“My apologies, Father, why don’t you have a seat. Can I take your jacket?”

“This is a very expensive jacket; will it be safe on your…furniture?”

Jaime almost giggled at his father’s disgust at their apartment. He may be fulfilling Tywin’s wishes by finally getting married, but at least the man would never support his current lifestyle.

Still, it appeared like the man was making an effort when a few minutes later he was seated on the couch. Jaime wondered if he should mention where he got it.

“Congratulations on the house,” Tywin started.

“Yeah, no thanks to you.”

“I didn’t know it was you that I was bidding against or I would have dropped out immediately. Our company is buying a lot of rundown beach front properties and sprucing them up to use to house investors when they are in town.”

Jaime nodded, this seemed typical for something his father’s company would do.

“Did you learn that I was a bidder though and bid against me? It seemed a little harsh at times.”

“Son, I promise, I had no idea. And then Selwyn Tarth entered the bidding war and mentioned grandchildren. I had to say I was very surprised. Especially since I had not heard anything from you in almost a year.”

“Well, you finally got what you wanted. I’m settling down,” Jaime said angrily at his father.

“You think this is what I wanted? My son living like this? Being a professor instead of the head of my company?”

“I don’t want to be the head of your company.”

Tywin sighed.

“I know, Jaime. I think I’ve figured that out by now. And your brother has come back to the fold and started working for me again. It turns out that he is a better head for business than you ever did. He’s gone and gotten married too.”

Jaime grinned. “All your little lion cubs have grown up, although not in the way you intended us to.”

“Well at least you had the decency to marry well. Selwyn Tarth is a good man, from a good family. His daughter was an excellent choice.”

“Brienne, father, you know her name and you’ve met her on several occasions,” Jaime said in frustration. His father was always ignoring the important things in Jaime’s life.

“You mean that tall, ugly girl that used to be handing about you all the time? Is this her apartment? Is she who you ran to when you rejected your family?”

“Absolutely, and Brienne is more family to me than any other Lannister will ever be.”

Tywin’s mouth was in a line, and Jaime knew that he was trying to hold himself back from lasing out at his son.

“I did not come here to argue with you, Jaime,” he started.

“Well, why did you come?”

“It’s been so long, and you are about to get married, and I wanted to at least have some sort of relationship with you. Especially if you and Miss Tarth…Brienne…start having children.”

Jaime took a moment to consider his father’s words and study his body language. It must have taken all of Tywin’s pride to come here and practically beg his son to have a relationship with him. Jaime knew that his father truly missed him, although the strong patriarch would never admit it.

“Well you know that I'm serious about not coming back to the company,” Jaime said.

“Of course not. I know that ship sailed long ago.”

“And you know Brienne and I will raise our children as we see fit, which will probably not be with the finest preparatory schools and governess’s money can buy?”

Tywin’s jaw twitched at the words, but he just nodded.

“Okay, then you can expect Brienne and me for family dinner once a month.”

“Every week!”

Jaime shook his head. “Brienne is new to the Lannister bunch, I’m not going to nag her to go to the mansion every week.”

“Fine, every other week.”

“Every other week, but one of those week’s a month you have to come here and Brienne and I will cook you dinner.”

Tywin surveyed his surroundings again with disgust, but reluctantly nodded his head.

“Okay, then we will start it this week, with Thanksgiving.”

“You’re inviting me to Thanksgiving at your apartment?" The man seemed surprised that Jaime was so willing to start rebuilding their relationship this quickly. 

Jaime placed his hand on his dad’s shoulder. “If being with Brienne has taught me anything, it’s to appreciate your life and to enjoy the people in it. If you want to be a part of our lives, Father, you are welcome. As long as you don’t try to control it.”

Tywin looked away, and Jaime wondered if he had brought his father to tears. The man turned back with an annoyed look in his eye. So much for that idea.

“When you get that beautiful new house, you are going to get new furniture for it after you are done with the remodel, right?”

“What’s wrong with the furniture we have now?”

“Uh, nothing it’s just…well it doesn’t blend well together.”

Jaime grinned, he couldn’t help himself. “You should have seen it when we first got it, all the bugs that came out of it.”

Tywin shot out of his seat like a rocket. “Bugs?”

“Oh yeah, they were everywhere.”

Tywin handed Jaime his glass of water and made for the door.

“Did you like this glass, father? I bought it at the thrift store. And the water was tap!”

“That glass was used by someone else before you purchased it?”

“Yes! And I only paid a quarter for it!”

Tywin looked like he would be ill, but he kept his thoughts to himself. Trying to stay polite and not ruin the thin ice their newly rebuilt relationship was on, Jaime guessed.

“Jaime, I will see you on Thursday for Thanksgiving,” he said before turning and going to the door. “But I think I will bring my own dishes.”

Jaime laughed as he opened the door for his father and said goodbye. It was a tentative and fragile reconciliation, but it would do for now. Not a minute later, Brienne entered the apartment.

“Was that…”

“Yes, it was my father you passed in the hallway.”

“He gave me a weird look, like I was his last hope in the world but at the same time he was completely disgusted with me.”

Jaime laughed. “Welcome to the family, I get that look all the time.”

Brienne gave him a look of concern. “So you two…are you okay?”

“We’re fine. I think he really just wants to be a part of our lives, even if he doesn’t approve of it that much. Maybe my sister’s craziness and my brother’s success despite his circumstances combined with father’s old age has caused him to reconsider things.”

Jaime picked up his coupon book and started looking through it. “Can you bring up the recipe app? We need to go to the grocery store in a bit.”

“Why? We just went grocery shopping yesterday.”

“Well, I may have just volunteered us to host Thanksgiving dinner.”

“Here? Jaime this apartment is falling apart!”

“All the more fun to torture Tywin in.”

“You don’t even know how to cook a turkey.”

Jaime smiled. “I can learn; just like I do with everything. And you’re going to help.”           

Brienne arched an eyebrow at him. “Oh I am, huh?”

He nodded. “Yes, because you’re madly in love with me. And because you can’t resist my puppy dog eyes.” He then gave her the look that she never could resist. She halfheartedly swatted him before picking up her phone and finding the app they used for recipes.

“Fine, but there better be pumpkin pies too.”

“Add that to your list of things to make, wench. I’m on turkey duty.” He couldn’t help but grin when she scowled at him. And he decided there was no place he’d rather be on Thanksgiving than in the kitchen with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I do have another chapter planned for Thursday - Jaime vs. Thanksgiving Dinner, of course. :)


	28. Jaime vs. Thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime and Brienne prepare to host the family for Thanksgiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate! 
> 
> I owe a big thanks to Renee561 for motivating me to finish this chapter last night! I promised everyone a Thanksgiving chapter and then was hit with terrible writer's block. She did sprints with me last night so I could finish. :) 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! No beta, so I'm sorry for any errors.

 

“Jaime, why do we need two turkeys? I can barely fit anything in the fridge with them defrosting them in there!” Brienne reached over the birds in question to try to find the cream for her coffee.

Her fiancé looked up from the recipes he was organizing to smile with glee. “They were free, wench. Free! One store gave a free turkey if you spent a certain amount, and another gave me one as a reward for being a frequent customer.”

Brienne rolled her eyes. Of course Jaime would never turn away from a free turkey.

“How are we going to fit two turkeys in the oven? I have to make sides!”

Brienne did her best to not sound panicked. She had been hoping for a quiet Thanksgiving at home with Jaime, one of their last meals in this apartment before they started their move to their new home. But he decided to invite his father. And now Tyrion, Sansa and Bronn were joining them as well. She had no idea how they were all going to fit, and she was pretty sure that no meal she could make would compare to what the Lannisters were used to.

Jaime had just shrugged off her concerns and said it would be good for his family to be in a new kind of environment, but Brienne had scrambled to print off recipes for Jaime and her to go through as soon as she heard.

Also, she invited her father to join them for morale support, hoping that Selwyn Tarth and Tywin Lannister would balance each other out.

“We don’t need to cook both in the oven, just one of them,” her fiancé said, as if that explained everything.

“Oh, you’re going to donate one of them to charity?”

Jaime arched an eyebrow at her. “Oh sweetling, you assume I didn’t also get free turkeys from two other stores and already donated those last week on Turkey Tuesday.”

Brienne laughed at this and gave him a kiss. “You amaze me.”

“Of course I do,” he said with a wink. “And we are making both turkeys. We will be able to freeze some of the leftovers and eat off of it for a week.”

Brienne had thought that maybe Jaime would ease back on some of his thrifty ways now that he was gainfully employed, but it was not the case. It seemed that it was just part of who he was now, and she loved him for it. Especially when he used his powers for good, like buying things for people in need. A month ago he had filled two boxes of donations for the women and children’s shelter of toiletries he had gotten for pennies on the dollar through his couponing.

Jaime Lannister was a good man. And while some people thought this was a recent development, Brienne had always known.

“Okay, genius, so how are we going to cook two turkeys and all our sides?”

Jaime rubbed his hands together and Brienne was almost nervous about what he had to say. Her anxiety was confirmed when he said, “I’m going to deep fry one.”

“JAIME NO.”

“Brienne, yes. I’ve watched a ton of videos on how to do it. I’m going to do it right down in the parking lot of the apartment complex. Bronn and Tyrion are excited too.”

“Do you know what the No. 1 reason for emergency room visits on Thanksgiving besides drunk driving accidents? Idiots who deep fry turkeys and get severe burns when something goes wrong!” Brienne didn’t want to disappoint him, but she also wanted Jaime safe.

He reached out and grabbed her and pulled her in for a hug. “Brienne, there are also many people who do it every year and have no injuries. Bronn and Tyrion will help me. And we will have the second turkey in the oven in case we burn this one.”

She still was not certain this was a good idea, but he was a grown man and it was his own stupid decision to make.

The two of them went over the recipes for that day, making a game plan and a schedule for all their cooking. It may be difficult, but they could do it.

When the day arrived, Jaime woke them up with the dawn. She wanted to sleep longer, because it was a holiday and she seldom got a day off, but he was too eager to get started.

Brienne got the oven turkey in right away, and they spent the day making sides and baking deserts. They even got in a flour fight, which she would have been annoyed over because it messed up her clean kitchen, but she had won by shoving a whole fist full of flour in Jaime’s face, so she didn’t object.

Tyrion, Sansa and Bronn arrived early so the men could do their deep fry thing. Brienne and Sansa stayed indoors and put the finishing touches on the meal, and setting the table, trying to ignore the yells of the men in the parking lot below.

“Do you think if one of them gets injured, we would get out of dinner with Tywin?” Sansa giggled nervously, and Brienne agreed that both choices were not ideal.

“Oh, you are not looking forward to eating with him either?”

“No, the man scares me,” Sansa said.

“But if one of the guys was hurt, we would probably have to sit for who knows how long in the hospital waiting room with him.”

“You have an excellent point.” The two women shared a laugh, and the guys soon returned. The turkey was cooked without serious injury, and Jaime was looking rather proud of himself.

“See wench, nothing to it. Although I may need a little bandage.” He held up a hand that looked a little singed, and Brienne scowled at him while she got out the first aid kit.

“It doesn’t look too serious, but I still think you’re an idiot,” Brienne told him before kissing the injury.

When Tywin arrived, he did indeed bring his own plates, cups and silverware. In fact, brought a whole set of fancy dishes and declared them to be a housewarming gift for their new home.

Brienne had to cover her mouth to hide the smile as she watched Jaime wrestle with the dilemma – accept a gift from Tywin which he was loathe to do, or give up something that was free. _So difficult for him_ , she thought with a laugh.

In the end, he decided to keep the fragile peace with his father and graciously accept the gift. Tywin also brought wine, which they opened immediately to ease the tension in the room.

Selwyn arrived not long after, with even more wine and pies, so the festivities began. Dinner was a silent affair at first, no one knowing quite how to break the ice in the awkward situation. But then Bronn had opened his phone to show everyone the picture of Jaime in the chicken suit, and everyone lightened up.

Everyone except Tywin. He narrowed his eyes at the photo and scowled at his son. “Really, Jaime, was your life so miserable before that you had to stoop to this level just so you could be away from us?”

They all looked at Jaime with their breath held.

“Yes,” he said simply. Brienne simply smiled at him, so proud that he stood behind the choices that he had made. He had come so far from that spoiled rich boy she first met.

“Yes? You’d rather be a chicken than a Lannister?”

The entire table burst out in laughter at this question. Even Tywin realized how ridiculous it sounded and laughed too. _A Thanksgiving miracle_ , Brienne thought.

“Yes, I would proudly be a chicken again if it meant I still got to learn the value of the dollar, the furniture I sit on, and my best friend who for some reason has decided she loves me and is willing to marry me,” Jaime said.

Everyone looked at Brienne. “I’m very fond of poultry,” she said with a shrug.

Jaime grinned at her and raised a glass. “Well maybe next year, I will dress as a turkey for you, if you're into that sort of thing." Brienne blushed at his words, but everyone else just laughed."On that note, I’ll start the round robin of things we are thankful for. I for one, am very thankful you disowned me, father. Because losing everything led me to getting more than I could possibly imagine.”

The rest of them went around and said what they were thankful for, and even Tywin joined in, noting that he was thankful for the opportunity to reconnect with his sons.

Overall, the meal went very well, Brienne thought. It didn’t hurt the fact that they all were pretty drunk on wine.

“This is excellent turkey Jaime, did you prepare it yourself?” Tywin asked as an olive branch later in the meal.

“Yes, I cooked it in the parking lot.”

Tywin coughed, and choked on the turkey he was eating. Selwyn thumbed him on the back a few times to clear his airway.

Brienne caught Jaime’s smile, and knew that though he had reconciled with Tywin, all of their future holidays would be centered around him trying to get a rise out of his father.

And Brienne couldn't wait. She grew up with just her father as family, but now, despite the early awkwardness of the day, she was thankful that their family had grown.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brienne has a thing for poultry, or men dressed as poultry. It is known. :)


	29. Jaime vs. Moving Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Jaime and Brienne to move into their new home!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's moving day! Hope you enjoy this chapter!

How much bubble wrap did one plate need? Surely not this much? Perhaps it didn’t need bubble wrap at all? Jaime tried to remember all the instructions Brienne had given him about packing up fragile items. He didn’t want to break anything, but this was the first time he had packed these sort of things. When he moved out of his family’s house, he had left with only a few items of clothing. Now he and Brienne were packing up their entire apartment to move into their new house.

Jaime looked over to see the keys to their new home sitting on the counter, along with the list of projects he and Brienne had written that he would start on after the holidays. The house was livable, but they had grand plans on how to bring it to the current decade and make it into a home.

Jaime surveyed the apartment and sighed. There was still a lot of packing to do and he was out of boxes. Again. He had gotten as many free boxes he could from the local grocery stores, shops and even the university’s bookstore. But all his resources had dried up and he would have to pay for some boxes at the local shipping store.

This went again everything in his nature, but they were on a timeline to move and he needed to get it done.

Besides, he had saved a lot of money on moving by convincing Bronn and his buddy Podrick to bring their truck and come help. Brienne had wanted to rent a truck, and even hire movers. What a ridiculous notion! Paying for something when his friends would do it for the cost of a case of beer and a pizza.

Jaime texted Brienne and told her to make a quick stop on her way home to buy some boxes. She was already bringing takeout, because all their dishes had been packed. It had been like this for a few days, and he suspected it would be even more once they moved in and had to face the task of unpacking.

But there was something he liked about sitting in the middle of the living floor with the woman he loved, eating food from a carton and laughing over silly things that had happened in the apartment they had lived in for the past year.

They had fallen in love here, and while Jaime was eager to get to their new home and away from their terrible landlord, he found he just might miss the place and the memories they had made here.

A little while later, Brienne texted that she had arrived and he went down to help her carry the boxes or the food. Their meal smelled so delicious that he offered to carry it, but Brienne just scowled at him and shoved the bulky boxes in his arms instead.

After they sated their appetite, Brienne went to work folding and taping the boxes so they would be usable.

“I’m off to work on the bedroom. Did you pack all the clothes we would need in the suitcase so I could put the rest in boxes?”

“Of course, wench, I can follow basic instructions,” he said with a wink and went to pack the rest of their books off the shelf.

“Jaime Lannister! Where is our bed?”

Brienne marched out of the bedroom to scowl at him.

“Oh the guys came by earlier and wanted to take a load over today so I had them start in the back of the apartment and work their way forward. And besides, now it will already be set up for us so we can plop into it after our long day of moving tomorrow!”

“And what are we supposed to sleep on tonight?”

“I left the sleeping bags in there,” Jaime explained. Brienne rolled her eyes at him.

“If a cockroach crawls on me I will never forgive you.”

“It’s fine, wench, they’ve all gone.”

“I saw one yesterday!”

“A rare survivor that was sad when we moved his end table sanctuary.”

Brienne just sighed heavily and went back to packing. Jaime put some music on the radio and they sang and worked well into the night. When it was time for bed, Brienne grabbed the suitcases of clothing he had set aside for them to wear that night and in the morning to find some pajamas.

“Jaime, where are my pajama pants.” Brienne came out of the bathroom looking so sexy, Jaime forgot to breathe for a moment.

“Um, I forgot them.”

“I only have this t-shirt that is way too short on me. It comes just below my belly button.” When she moved her arms to point at her stomach, the belly button in question showed. Jaime loved the sight of her standing there, her long legs in all their glory.

“What a shame that your pants are packed in the boxes. All sealed up with packing tape.”

Brienne’s eyes narrowed at him. “Did you do this on purpose?”

“Why would I do such a thing?”

“Fine, I’m going to wear your pajama pants.”

She rifled through the suitcase, but Jaime knew that she would find none. She sighed.

“You were planning on sleeping naked, weren’t you?”

Jaime laid out on the sleeping bag after removing his boxers and waggled his eyebrows at her. “Of course I was, it’s our last night in our apartment. We need to say farewell to it properly.”

Brienne giggled and climbed into the sleeping bag next to him. Snuggled up together, they shared a passionate kiss.

“You know, I should have neglected to include underwear in the suitcase,” Jaime teased.

Brienne reached down and pulled her panties off and threw them out of the sleeping bag. “I didn’t see any underwear.”

The two of them laughed before they went about enjoying their last night in their apartment to the fullest.

**

The next morning they were awakened by a pounding on their front door. Jaime, not thinking, got up and opened the door naked, much to the horror of Podrick and Bronn.

“No pizza is worth the damage you have done to my eyes!” Bronn yelled. Jaime hastily threw on some pants and begged the men to stay and help them move. Brienne fortunately heard the ruckus and was able to get dressed in time.

Moving took several hours and multiple trips, but soon their new house was filled with boxes and their apartment was empty. In lieu of helping with the heavy lifting of the move, Sansa and Tyrion volunteered to do a thorough cleaning of their old place so Brienne would get her security deposit back.

After Bronn and Podrick ate their pizza and left, Jaime sat on the couch in their new living room with satisfaction. They still had so much to do, but they were in their new home. And it was theirs. He was no longer freeloading at Brienne’s place, but living in a house they purchased together. His share was with money he had earned by working, and not from Lannister money.

“Jaime, come in here, you’ve got to see this,” Brienne called from the kitchen. When he entered the room, he saw the counter was filled with gifts.

A giant gift basket with foods and wine was sent by Brienne’s father. Besides the dishes he had already given them, Tywin sent over a box of brand new pots and pans. Brienne was most excited about the gift Sansa and Tyrion had left – a voucher for a free tree at the Christmas tree farm just outside of town.

“Our first Christmas tree in our new home!” She was practically hopping up and down with excitement. Brienne loved the holidays, and he was excited to share them with her. She suddenly got a serious look on her face.

“Jaime, how can we possibly unpack, get a tree, buy gifts, bake, decorate – all in the next few weeks?”

He pulled her in for a hug. “Don’t worry, if anyone can pull it off, we can. First purchase tomorrow will be mistletoe. And I think we should leave it up in this house year-round.”

Brienne laughed. “You don’t need mistletoe to get me to kiss you.” She proved her point by pulling him in and laying a sweet kiss on his lips.

“Yes, but I now I get an extra excuse.”

After kissing her senseless, Jaime considered christening their new kitchen counter.

“Jaime…I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m kind of glad you moved the bed over yesterday. Let’s go put it to use.”

He couldn’t agree more, as he followed her happily to their new bedroom. He hoped it would be a long time before she found her box with pants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Announcement: I'm taking Christmas prompts for this fic! I may not get to all of them (and may combine a few), but I will do my best. Drop a prompt in the comments!


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